10 Ways to Tackle Relationship Anxiety

I get asked this question all the time.

Here's what I can say with confidence...

1. There is no objectively right or wrong partner. The partner for you is the partner you choose. If you DID trust yourself, how might you see this differently?

2. If your partner is a generally caring, trustworthy, responsible person, most relationship challenges can be worked through.

3. The truth is, none of us have certainty or guarantees on whether our relationships will last forever. The divorce rate is still close to 50%, meaning it's about a 50/50 chance for anyone. Love is a risk, it takes work, and you are safe to trust your choices in life.

4. None of us can take a quiz or test that will tell us what the right choice is - because there is no right choice. What matters is that you practice trusting yourself and move toward your desires instead of away.

5. Signs of ROCD are obsessive thoughts about your relationship/partner that are unwanted, distressing or preoccupying to the point where it's impacting your life... coupled with doing compulsions that only give temporary relief (excessive Googling, reassurance seeking, ruminating, etc.)

6. A helpful question to identify whether you have ROCD: How many times have I thought these thoughts? Has my mind ever found an answer it stayed satisfied with? If not, that’s an anxiety pattern.

Love,

Samara

P.S. If you're ready to break free from relationship anxiety / ROCD and feel peaceful & present with your partner, click here for details on private coaching (limited spots - filling fast.)

Growth isn't a straight line.

There's a messy middle where you feel like you're doing all the "right" things to diffuse the anxiety and some days it feels like 1 step forward and 2 steps back.

This doesn't mean you're defective or doing it wrong.

It means you're learning something new and priceless that you've never learned before. This is growth, beauty!

You're doing so much better than your inner critic says you are. Disbelieve that sucker (with all the compassion in the world.)

You aren't backsliding, you're learning and growing more than you could possibly fathom, and this learning curve is sooo temporary.

You're going to look back a year from now and be so proud.

Remember to:

1. Give yourself lots of compassion.

2. Count every effort and celebrate small win.

3. Zoom out and give yourself credit for how you handle things now vs 2 months or 2 years ago.

If you're in the messy middle.... KEEP GOING!!!

Love,

Samara

P.S. Choose from my program options if you’re ready to kick relationship anxiety’s butt.

No matter how sweet and loving her partner was, her brain just wouldn't let her enjoy it.

It hit her one day when she realized, "I think about whether my partner and I should be together every single day."

Even though there were no red flags, it felt like her mind was constantly trying to make the same decision over and over...

Am I safe to commit? Do I really want this forever?

She felt like she was always looking for "permission" to trust her choices and had a habit of seeking external validation.

She'd tried 3 different therapists and still felt like a ball of anxiety.

Her and her partner had been talking about getting engaged (which felt like something she SHOULD be over the moon about)… but she was dreading it.

"What if I'm anxious the whole time and this anxiety ruins one of the most important nights of my life?"

She also questioned, "I've been dealing with relationship anxiety for years… how much better could I really feel?"

2 months into private coaching with me in Unstoppable Love, she said,

“I feel a million times better, and WAY better than I thought I would. It's been a genuine night and day difference. If you'd told me that by the end of it I'd be getting engaged and feeling excited about it, I'd be like you're insane!"

Not only did she enjoy every minute of her engagement with clarity and peace…

Her confidence continued to skyrocket as she managed her anxiety day to day.

Now she's happily content with her partner and has a deep well of self-trust. She knows she's on the right path and it feels so good.

If you've been where she was, or you've doubted your relationship since day 1...

Don't give up.

Feeling peaceful, secure and assured in your relationship is possible for you.

It starts when you decide that you're done doing it the hard way, and willing to invest in your happiness and the life that you want. (And your peace of mind is worth it.)

If you're ready to break free from relationship anxiety/ROCD and feel calm & confident with your partner, learn more & apply for private coaching here.

1. Stopped checking and over-analyzing my thoughts/feelings as if everything was a "sign."

I stopped frenetically looking for clarity around my relationship choices, which was NOT my intuition - that was self-doubt.

I deconstructed the narratives I carried around relationships having to look or feel a certain way.

I challenged the assumption that there was even a right or wrong choice…

According to who? What negative beliefs were causing me to doubt myself so damn much?

Once I identified my root issues and changed even the stickiest of my negative beliefs, sh*t got worlds better.

2. Learned how to calm and soothe my nervous system.

I tried everything from ancient spiritual wisdom to science-based secrets and learned exactly what works. (They're all covered in Unstoppable Love, see below.)

I incorporated mind, body & soul techniques that allowed me to cut right through the anxiety and access my grounded place of inner peace.

3. Started connecting with my authentic self and following my dreams. I felt the fear and moved toward my desires anyway.

I cultivated my intuitive knowing and learned how to confidently love myself, creating a positive feedback loop of self-trust.

This is the same process that helped my private client stop doubting whether she was really with the man she was supposed to marry.

She was engaged but had been battling relationship anxiety for 2 years, convinced that maybe she'd be happier with someone else.

By overcoming her fears, calming her body and reconnecting with her authentic self, she became genuinely happy and at peace in her relationship.

She got to enjoy her wedding and enter marriage with confidence that her hubby was, in her words, her happily ever after.

I promise you, with the right steps and tools, you can do this too.

P.S. If you'd love to find peace from relationship anxiety and feel grounded & confident in your choices, the Unstoppable Love program is on sale for a limited time.

Because you’ve been reading the wrong manual.

Your limiting beliefs, thoughts and feelings are like an old GPS that always steers you around in circles.

“What if my partner and I aren’t the right match and there’s a better fit?”

“Why is this anxiety still popping up? Am I lying to myself?”

Beliefs aren’t facts.

They’re just conclusions based on past experiences (usually with a flavor of “I’m not enough” or “something’s gonna go horribly wrong.”)

But here’s where it gets really good.

None of that is YOU.

You are the conscious observer, the one who can learn to step back from the fears and doubts and calmly say, “that’s cute, but no thanks.”

Like my private client who wanted to get married and spend her life with her healthy partner, but was a ball of anxiety.

She’d had some failed past relationships that left a mark. She didn’t fully trust her choices and every bone in her body said run.

Her head made up stories that felt 100% true, like…

“I’m not attracted to him” and “we aren’t compatible,” even though it was a loving relationship and deep down she felt like this was her person.

It was eating her up inside. She couldn’t focus on running her business. Their sex life was in the toilet.

After 6 weeks of working together she said:

“Things are going so well. I'm so much calmer. Our relationship has been so strong lately. We've had more sex than ever before since you've been supporting me. We're just so happy and I feel my anxiety being night and day away from where I was prior to working together.”

It wasn’t a fluke. The peace and confidence stayed.

Months later she reached out and celebrated that they’d just gotten engaged!

She said the best part was: “I'm so CHILL about it. Like so stable, secure, happy - just settled into this new life. A complete 180 from when we started working together.”

Learn more about how you can do this in my one-on-one coaching program Unstoppable Love and book a free clarity call here.

When thoughts popped in like, “I'm settling, this isn't what I really want," my chest tightened and doubt consumed me.

I couldn't focus at work or enjoy much of anything.

One moment I'd think I had clarity, then the next minute my mind would contradict it and I'd feel more uncertain than when I started.

This went on for years in varying degrees, until one day it hit me.

I was brushing my teeth when I realized that I wasn't really brushing my teeth…

I was mentally obsessing over whether or not I should have a kid, whether I was good enough to start my own business, whether I said something stupid at the meeting the other day.

My incessant relationship doubts weren't really about my relationship.

They were reflecting back to me how I treated myself:

Constantly second guessing my every move because deep down, I wasn't confident.

I didn't feel good enough. I wasn't sure that I was safe to trust my choices or even how to go about making decisions.

I woke up and realized that no, this pattern of self-doubt wasn't my intuition. It wasn't automatically a sign that I had to leave a relationship.

But it was a sign that I was disconnected from the intuitive wisdom, peace and security of who I truly am.

This old way of living from fear state had grown more painful than helpful. It wasn't protecting me, it was hurting me.

In that moment (with toothpaste all over my chin), I made a vow to live my life from my loving heart and inner guidance.

Not from ego or mind.

I started doing simple, awe-inspiring practices that helped me discern between what was fear and what was really me.

A peaceful self-love and self-knowing washed over me.

I got masterful at telling the difference between my intuition and my anxiety.

This allowed me to confidently release any relationships that weren't serving me long term, AND go all in and feel happy in the relationships that were deeply aligned.

Instead of not knowing WTF shirt to wear or doubting my choice of partner, now I'm able to make clear, confident, aligned decisions and feel at peace with them.

When anxiety or fear rear their heads, I have healthy ways of responding and recentering myself so that nothing takes me off track.

If there is such thing as true happiness and peace on earth... this must be what it feels like.

Although "certainty" doesn't exist, this sure comes close.

My recent client did the same thing after doubting her relationship for months and is now happily engaged and shopping for a white dress…

If you'd love to learn how to do this, check out my Alignment Unleashed program here.

Now you’re with a much healthier partner and you’re dead set on not repeating those same mistakes or ending up in an unhappy relationship.

But you’re so mixed up with anxiety that you can’t tell what’s really a valid concern and what’s just your fear trying to sabotage things.

When your partner sometimes fails to meet your needs or they give you the ick, you wonder… is this really the right relationship?

They’re an amazing person but nobody’s perfect and there have been some ups and downs.

You wonder if you’ve finally found the real deal in this partner or if it’s “too good” to be true.

I know my clients inside and out and I know how relationship anxiety works.

That’s how I know exactly how to help my clients determine *for themselves* if there’s a true concern to address, or if it’s their anxiety blowing things out of proportion…

…and how to navigate it successfully so they know they’re on the right path, can trust their choices and only spend their time on a healthy relationship that’s good for them.

This is what I lead you through in my 30 Day private coaching program.

If you’d love this level of clarity and confidence, learn more here.

You can have doubts about your relationship AND still be making a positive choice for yourself.

You can genuinely love and desire your partner AND they can give you the ick sometimes.

You can be attracted to or fantasize about other people AND still be attracted to and satisfied with your partner.

You can be bisexual AND still be happy (and just as Queer) in a hetero relationship.

Your partner can be a great match for you AND fail to meet some of your needs at times.

You can feel anxious or disconnected AND still love your partner through your actions.

You can experience uncertainty about the future AND trust your choice of partner anyway.

Two things can be true at once.

And you can have relationship anxiety for years (even since the beginning of your relationship) AND still fully recover, find peace and fall more deeply in love with your partner.

This freedom is what my private clients are experiencing inside my private & group coaching containers. Learn more here.

I get it! I've been there too. And...

This is a projection.

When you don’t fully love yourself, you can unconsciously “project” that lack of love onto your partner and feel less loving, attracted or connected to them.

You also judge and nitpick them more, because deep down you’re judging, nitpicking and rejecting yourself.

(You know what I mean… The imposter syndrome at work? The constantly comparing yourself to others? The people pleasing and eggshell walking to avoid conflict? The guilt and shame over how your doubts have affected your partner?)

This is the deeper pattern that’s holding you back from true love, confidence and harmony with your fabulous (imperfect) partner.

When you learn how to fully love and accept yourself, you don’t feel LESS love for your partner, you feel MORE love.

Your capacity to love and be loved only expands.

You’ve had it all backwards. This is when sh*t gets good!

You stop obsessing over fleeting feelings and step into genuine love and connection… which is what your relationship needs in order to thrive and last a lifetime.

This is the gold my private clients are getting inside Unstoppable Love (limited spots.)

The reality is that love is an action and a choice, love is infinite, and love is available to you at all times.

You’ve just forgotten how to access it because the fearful mind/ego is in the driver’s seat.

Let’s change that together. Peace is your birth right, babe.

I want to overcome relationship anxiety & ROCD.

There's a wounded part of you who idolizes romantic relationships and (initially) puts your partners on a pedestal.

You haven’t lost your love or attraction for your partner…

The veil of infatuation has fallen and you’re standing face to face with your wounded self.

The part of you that pedestalizes relationships is the same part of you that feels unworthy and seeks externally to validate itself.

The thing about pedestals is…

Anyone you place up there is sure to get knocked down, and the higher the pedestal, the farther they fall.

Enter, relationship anxiety.

"Why am I doubting my choice of partner? Is this a red flag? Is this my intuition telling me to leave? Why won't the doubts stop?"

The doubts will stop when you quit hyper-focusing on your partner and gently turn that attention toward yourself.

When you learn to feel confident, secure and at peace in yourself, anxiety falls away and you’re able to trust your relationship and know you’ve chosen a great partner.

This is what I help you do inside my Unstoppable Love private coaching container.

Learn more here.

1. You're up in your head. You can't feel anxiety/fear and love/attraction at the same time.

And you can't jump directly from fear to love. You have to cross the bridge of self-acceptance first.

2. You're grasping too tightly to positive feelings because your brain equates them with safety, enoughness, or proof that you've made the right choice. This is emotional reasoning and it throws you into an anxious loop.

The harder you cling to a feeling, the more you end up pushing it away.

3. You love the intoxicating feeling of being infatuated with someone. (Who doesn't?!)

You miss the honeymoon phase that you had with your partner or with others in the past. You're feeling the weight of its absence. You're unconsciously bypassing your grief by trying to get it back.

You're seeking that next hit of dopamine instead of embracing the reality that infatuation is a biochemical illusion that always fades.

(And what lies beyond it is even better... real love, true connection, and deep belonging.)

4. Your anxious/hypervigilant side is constantly scanning for perceived threats. It's obsessing over every feeling and sensation in your body.

It labels feelings of love/attraction as good or “right” and negative emotions as bad or wrong. (Even though no one can feel positively toward their partner all the time.)

5. You look to relationships to save you from the discomfort, pain and monotony of life.

6. You're operating under false definitions of love and attraction. Love isn't a feeling, it's a choice and an action, and sometimes it's hard work. Attraction isn't all looks or wild passion, it's about your partner's essence and the energy that first drew you to them.

If you'd love proven steps and personalized coaching to heal your relationship anxiety/ROCD patterns, so you can feel genuine love and attraction for your healthy partner… check out my programs and courses here.

Fear says:

I’m not attracted to my partner.

This doesn’t feel the way it should.

We’re incompatible.

I have to leave my relationship.

This must be my intuition.

I can’t make the wrong choice.

Love says:

There is no partner who will never repulse you, disappoint you, underwhelm you, disagree with you, be different from you, trigger you, challenge you.

Soul says:

Lean into this expansion with a curious mind and an open heart. It’s stretchy for a reason, just not the reason your ego thinks. This relationship is growing you. Let it.

Relationship Anxiety and ROCD are not your truth. Your anxiety cycles and trauma responses existed before you ever met your partner.

The message of relationship anxiety is to find safety and happiness in yourself and in life, and let your relationship be the cherry on top, not the whole pie.

Ready to rejoice in your relationship, trust your choices, feel safe and confident, and fall in love with every area of your life?

Learn more and join me in Unstoppable Love.

You’re struggling with whether you feel the way you should in your relationship.

You have doubts around your love, attraction, connection or how you feel about your partner.

Notice the word "should." When your mind uses shoulds, musts, have-to's, we know there's old programming at play.

There are no shoulds in life or relationships. You are SAFE to feel however you're feeling at any given time. Negative and neutral feelings included.

There's a myth that you should feel a certain way in your relationship.

This myth is keeping you stuck on a hamster wheel of seeking things outside of yourself to get a certain feeling... and beating yourself up when you don't feel good.

But this actually disconnects you from yourself.

It distracts you from your natural ability to allow and release whatever emotions are coming up. It creates a pattern of emotional suppression.

You find yourself unconsciously ruminating or checking your feelings to control your emotional state.

If you’re controlling or avoiding, it's because you’re unwilling to feel temporarily vulnerable.

But you are SO. SAFE.

Be kind, loving and compassionate with yourself. Be patient with the process and give yourself grace.

Lean into whatever emotions you're feeling right now. Feel them as deeply as possible (without paying attention to the stories about them.)

Instead of focusing on whether you feel in love with your partner, the invitation is to let yourself fall in love with life again.

It's okay if that feels very far away right now. How could you open your heart and mind to exploring a deeper connection to life?

Be a little kid. Stay open and curious.

This could be through nature, creativity or spirituality. Make this a little adventure where your only goal is gentle curiosity.

Find ways to spend quality time with yourself, a higher power and the world around you. Connect with something deeper.

This is one of the most pivotal ways that I healed my relationship anxiety and ROCD.

Our peace and happiness come from our connection with ourselves and a higher power - not from a partner or anything outside of us.

This is just a taste of what my private clients are mastering inside Unstoppable Love.

Wake up every day feeling grateful for your partner. Know that you've made a sound choice that you can stay happy with for years to come.

Trust your partner, relax into your relationship and feel unconditionally loved no matter what.

They seem flawless and it’s hard to spot faults
Your emotional stability is tied to how the relationship feels
You’re seeking reassurance and validation
You feel “head over heels” for them to the point that it’s a distraction or fixation
You’re terrified of the relationship ending or your partner not loving/wanting you.

How to feel secure in your relationship:

1/ Practice mindful presence with your partner. What are they experiencing? How do they feel? What’s important to them right now? How can you just hold space for them with open curiosity? (Hint: do this for yourself, too!)

2/ Listen and engage with your partner with the intent to understand. Not to get something (love, affection, validation) or prove something (that you’re good enough, that you deserve to be their partner.)

3/ Act as if. Interact with your partner as if they’re your equal, no better or worse, just another imperfect human you get to share experiences with. Go about your daily life as if all the fears and insecurities are untrue. Choose actions, hold your posture and communicate in whatever way you would if you already felt secure, empowered and at peace.

4/ Heal your stories. You won’t have that fully free, secure, unconditionally loved feeling in your relationship if you’re still operating under old stories, wounds and programming. This is what my work empowers you to do and it’s why private coaching moves the needle like nothing else.

When I started doing these things, my anxious attachment transformed into the kind of rock solid confidence that makes you stand tall.

I was able to relax into my relationship knowing I was safe, trust my healthy partner and feel ALL the love that had been there all along.

Unstoppable Love is where my clients are doing this. Learn more to see if it's right for you.

Question: My ROCD has been really bad these past couple weeks and I've been really struggling.

Last night, one of my fiancee's best friends told us he was thinking about proposing to his girlfriend. For some reason, I got a really jealous pain in my stomach and I became really warm.

Just to clarify, I don't have romantic feelings at all for this friend, although i have had intrusive thoughts about him since experiencing ROCD. I think this is because other than my partner (my partner is genuinely the most attractive out of the group), he is the most attractive one out of the friend group and he and my partner used to live together so naturally I'm closer to him than the others. The one thing that has made me feel better is that I have had intrusive thoughts about other friends, but none that have given me a physical feeling/sensation.

I've thought about it more and I think the jealousy could be the fact that our wedding is next year so it means the attention just won't be on us anymore. The whole thing has made me feel really uncomfortable though, I cant even look my partner in the eye, I feel like I've cheated.

Answer: We can't control who or what we're attracted to, and so there's never ANY shame in this. It's an automatic bodily response and not your fault, you didn't choose it. It sounds like you nailed it when you said the jealousy is more likely about the wedding attention being on someone else.

OCD/anxiety doesn't want to feel jealous, or ashamed/guilty, or any negative emotion... and therefore it will often project negative emotions onto external situations to try to control or escape the negative feelings in our bodies.

Lean into them instead! It's natural and normal to feel jealous sometimes, we ALL do. Choose compassionate, kind, loving self-talk, validate and empathize with your own emotions, and treat them as that - just emotions. Same goes for attraction. Lean into it, even say "bring it on! Give me more, give me all you've got!" to your body sensations and notice the difference when you're not fighting or resisting sensations anymore.

Question: Has anyone been completely happy and fine and content and everything was amazing and good vibes for years. Then randomly you started losing feelings and having sad and depressing feelings and not happy anymore? Now everything makes me sad and triggered and I have awful anxiety and panic and worried about if I’m falling out of love. Has this happened? I need to be back to the way I was!

Answer: You're not alone! And we also want to be conscious about not giving reassurance (which feeds the anxiety cycles and strengthens unhelpful coping behaviors.) The truth is, anxiety and depression can come seemingly out of nowhere. The fixation on feeling a certain way won't help, and can make it worse, because what we resist persists.

When you think back to when you started feeling sad/depressed, were there any life changes or transitions that happened before/during this time? If it wasn't really about your relationship, where else might this be coming from? Sometimes old wounds are triggered and ready to be healed. Sometimes a life stressor makes us unhappy and our brain projects that onto our relationship. Sometimes we just aren't feeling happy or fully connected in ourselves/our lives and that's projected onto the relationship. This is something to get curious about what the real trigger/underlying issue may be. It can be different for all of us.

Question: Has anyone recovered or on the road to recovery from relationship anxiety/ocd? Did your spark come back in your relationship and you didn’t have those intrusive thoughts and feelings whether you’re with your partner or not?"

Answer: Yes, I was able to recover and heal from ROCD/relationship anxiety. It doesn't mean I've never been triggered ever again (triggers are a part of life)...

It means I'm no longer obsessively preoccupied with my relationships and can lead a normal, happy life and trust myself more deeply.

It means when I DO occasionally get triggered, I'm confident in my ability to respond in conscious, healthy ways that further my self-mastery.

It means I'm able to ride the waves of normal ups and downs in myself, my life and my relationships - because no one feels happy all the time.

We can't control the automatic thoughts that fly into our heads, but we are in charge of how we respond.

Recovery is real, it's scientifically possible for everyone with the right support, and it's so worth it.

Keep going!

Question: My brother got married this past weekend and so many people asked when me and my boyfriend would get married. And I’m sorry but I just think that’s so rude… does anyone else get triggered by this?

Answer: Be so gentle with yourself. People have no idea how triggering those questions are for people with relationship anxiety. It’s triggering because it shines a light on an area where you’re still building self-trust. Honor your journey and where you’re at today — it’s beautiful, divine and worthy!

My mind was racing, my hands were shaking…

Yesterday I led myself through an old anxious attachment wound that was triggered by someone I deeply care about.

(Yes, even coaches and therapists get triggered sometimes, and it’s an opportunity to practice what we preach!)

Here was my process:

1 - Acknowledging that I’m feeling triggered or ruminating and therefore I’m in the thick of an anxiety/trauma response. This is GOOD because without awareness we can’t possibly break the cycle.

2 - Self-soothing and radical acceptance. I let my muscles relax, breathed deeply and leaned into the sensations in my body. I let my body cry as long as it wanted without assigning any negative meaning or signifiance to the experience. I chose compassionate self-talk, and played with the wording until I landed on whatever felt soothing.

Yesterday this sounded like, “it’s okay to feel this way. This isn’t like before. You are safe now. I am here. I love you no matter what.” And, “even when I feel vulnerable, I choose to love myself.”

3 - I didn’t wait to feel perfectly fine before I re-engaged with the world around me. I came into the present moment and went back to doing whatever I’d normally be doing. My nervous system continued to down-regulate on its own until I felt peaceful again.

This is freedom, this is power, this is inner peace. It’s not about never feeling triggered ever again…

It’s about how you RESPOND.

Healing is a spiral, not a straight line.

Embrace the new layers of healing that are ready for you!

Question: Can ROCD make you feel like maybe you’re just scared to break up or be alone? Or that your relationship won’t last? Or that it’s hard to see a future with them? Or that you’re forcing yourself? I don’t understand. He is everything I could ever want and earlier, I was feeling nothing but love. I hate this so much.

Answer: Our ROCD can try to make you feel/believe any intrusive thought, yes. Notice whether the thought is fearful or helpful. Is it bringing you closer to presence, peace and acceptance of this here and now moment? Or further away? What might a more helpful, kind and loving response be toward yourself in this moment?

A great question to ask yourself is, if this wasn't really about your relationship/partner, where might the preoccupation with relationships stem from? For instance, have you been hurt in the past, maybe some unresolved trauma or old wounding is ready for more healing? (In any type of relationship, even if not romantic)? Are you feeling out of control or off balance in another area of your life (stress, work, school, alone, etc.) and this is a way for your mind to try to "control" something?

These are just examples. Get curious. The mind projects onto external people/circumstances in our life. Don't fall for the content of the intrusive thoughts, and instead get curious about what may be underneath. It's something that wants to be healed within YOU. It's not about our partners. It's about our relationship with ourselves.

Also keep in mind that even if you do have past relationship trauma, you don't have to be single in order to heal it. We can do our inner work and heal while in a relationship! My clients do this all the time. The truth is that some of our inner work is actually BEST done while in relationship, because we're being "exposed" to the thing that triggers us (a romantic relationship.) In fact, ROCD attacks healthy relationships most of all. This is because our subconscious knows that we're finally in a safe place in our lives to do more healing.

Rooting for you!! You can do this!!

Question: It seems that all my intrusive thoughts and concerns were valid. Not even sure if it was intuition rather than ROCD this whole time. Struggling a lot right now.

Answer:

We've all been there! Sending you so much comfort and soothing as you move through this anxious episode.

This is the biggest trap of ROCD / relationship anxiety. It's the lie that all of our intrusive thoughts, concerns and worst fears were valid all along, and now we're finally "waking up" and realizing it.

In truth, the reason we have this experience is because the anxiety has become intensely triggered (AKA the old cognitive fear patterns and past unhealed wounds have become triggered.) The brain cannot tell the difference between imagination and reality. And especially so when we're triggered, because our body is in fight/flight.

We don't need to figure anything out or analyze our relationship/decisions when we're anxious, doubting, triggered or unhappy. The only thing we really need to do is self-soothe, practice calming our nervous system, retraining our bodies/brains to self-regulate. Some ways of doing this are listed below.

A rule of thumb that has helped me and my clients a lot: Never trust your fearful/negative thoughts.

Instead of wondering "is it true?" Ask yourself, "is this helpful? Is it bringing me back to peace and presence in this moment?" If not, then it's not in alignment with your values or how you wish to live your life. And it's certainly not helpful. So choose a new, compassionate response toward yourself instead.

Even when we're NOT triggered, our mind is going to spew automatic negative thoughts and cognitive distortions all day long because that's what the brain does. It doesn't report truths and say facts. It spews fear and cognitive distortions through a lens of "where is the danger, I must survive and protect myself, I must control, look out for danger even when it's not there." This is the negativity bias we are all blessed with.

Some things we can do instead are:

- Recognize the emotions/sensations in your body and that you're in an anxiety cycle. Normalize the experience you're having as completely typical for someone who is anxious or having OCD tendencies right now. It's not proof that the thoughts are true. It's proof that your anxiety is activated and your mind/body are responding accordingly. That's all.

- Mindfulness and presence. For instance, breath work. I love alternate nostril breathing (you can Google it.) Or use the 54321 technique of being here now in the present moment through your 5 senses (you can Google this one too.) Practice mindfulness of the thoughts. Watch them float by like clouds in the sky. You are not your thoughts/minds. You are the watchful observer. The one who can witness the thoughts. We always have the power and the choice to come back into our consciousness and watch the thoughts instead of identifying with them/buying into them.

- Self-soothing, self compassion, loving self-talk, speaking to yourself the way you would to an innocent child who's struggling with anxiety or intense fears right now. The way you talk to yourself and treat yourself is the most healing super power you were born with. You can always practice and strengthen this and it will become second nature to you.

- Reducing and avoiding compulsions.

- Challenging and reframing negative/limiting thoughts and beliefs.

- Taking actions regularly, even baby steps, that align with the life we DO want for ourselves.

Hope this helps! Lots of love on your journey back to you.

Question: I constantly question whether I should be feeling excited in my relationship. And if I don't then it must mean something is wrong. Any advice to help this ROCD please?

Answer:

Notice the word "should." When our mind uses shoulds, musts, have-to's, we know there's old programming at play.

There are no shoulds in life or relationships. You are SAFE to feel however you're feeling at any given time. Negative and neutral feelings included!

There's a myth that we should feel a certain way in our relationships and in our lives... this myth keeps us stuck on a hamster wheel of seeking things outside of ourselves to get a certain feeling... and beating ourselves up whenever we don't feel good.

But this actually disconnects us from ourselves. It distracts us from our natural ability to feel, allow and release whatever emotions are coming up. It creates a pattern of emotional suppression. We find ourselves doing mental or physical compulsions (like ruminating or checking) to try to control our emotional state.

If we're unconsciously controlling, it's because we're unwilling to feel temporarily vulnerable. Be kind, loving and compassionate with yourself. Be patient with the process and give yourself grace.

Lean into whatever emotions you're feeling right now. Feel them as deeply as possible (without paying attention to the stories about them.) With practice you'll rediscover how powerful you are. You'll remember how safe you are to feel every emotion and sensation that comes your way. Not only in your relationship, but in every area of life. This is freedom.

Don't believe the stories - just allow the temporary emotions to visit you. They'll leave in due time. They mean nothing and they aren't you. You are a spiritual being who's simply having a human experience. Be kind to yourself. It's hard here on planet Earth!

Instead of hyper focusing on our feelings or our relationship, the invitation is to let yourself fall in love with life again.

It's okay if that feels very far away right now. How could you open your heart and mind to exploring a deeper connection to life?

Be a little kid. Stay open and curious.

This could be through nature, creativity or spirituality. Make this a little adventure where your only goal is gentle curiosity. Find ways to spend quality time with yourself, a higher power and the world around you. Connect with something deeper.

This is one of the most pivotal ways that I healed my relationship anxiety & ROCD.

Our peace and happiness come from our connection with ourselves and a higher power - not from a partner or anything outside of us.

Question: Relationship Anxiety and ROCD Q&A

I wish I could leave this ROCD and relationship anxiety in the dust. I wish I could stop my fears so I could be capable of selfless love. Samara Lane, how can I do this?

Answer:

I know the feeling is strong, but I actually invite you to stop wishing you could stop the fears. Instead, do this…

Here are 5 steps to stop obsessing and return to your confidence, peace & security within your relationship:

1. Feel the emotions completely. Turn your attention away from the stories about the feelings and instead just focus on the sensations.

Where are they in your body? What do they feel like? Name them with simple words “fear… tense… worry… tightness” not stories. Can you feel them even deeper? Can you prolong the feeling? Can you allow it completely to be felt as long as it needs to? Recognize, name and FEEL the sensations as fully as you can.

Your mind will try to resist this. Do it anyway. Stay with it. You are 100000% safe to feel EVERY emotion that manifests in your body. It’s not you agreeing with the thoughts. It’s not you creating more of that feeling long term. It’s actually you allowing your body to let go through acceptance. This is the ONLY way to release fears and negative emotions.

2. Forgive the thoughts. Say out loud or in your head, “I forgive these thoughts.”

(Full credit for this goes to Gabby Bernstein… I’ve taught all these other steps for years but never thought to actually FORGIVE the thoughts. It’s life changing. Thank you Gabby.)

3. Find a new, loving, helpful, soothing thought. Reframe to a thought that you actually believe so it resonates with you.

For instance, “May my heart and mind open to new possibilities and miracles. May I open myself to love and surrender all control over to the Universe.”

It doesn’t even have to mean love for your partner. This means love for life, your higher power, for yourself, for everything you have. Your partner is one piece of that but they’re not the main character. Focus on loving gratitude for life and a higher power and loving others and yourself will get so much easier.

4. Re-engage with the world around you. Especially when reframing your thoughts isn’t helping, or you can’t seem to shake the fear, just go about your life instead and practice bringing your attention to the present moment, taking a mindful vacation from the thoughts.

You can do this by first doing steps 1-3 above to the best of your ability… and then release attachment to the outcome or feeling good, and go on with your day.

DO something fun, even if it feels hard at first. Be present. Go on a walk, chat with a friend you adore, or anything that moves your body or connects you to the beauty of the world around you.

This allows your nervous system to regulate itself naturally in due time. You will gradually feel better when you do this!

5. Know that the egoic mind will try every trick under the sun to hook you back into fear. Expect that it’s normal for the mind to throw a tantrum, sometimes right away, sometimes out of nowhere in a moment of peace when you least expect it.

It happens to all of us and it’s a good sign, it means you’re doing a perfect job, and the mind is just resisting the retraining, and not wanting you to have a good time.

When this happens simply come back to the exact same steps above and do it for the new negative tantrum/upset the mind is having. It’s all fear. It’s all an anxiety pattern.

The content of the worries literally does not matter! If the thoughts make you feel bad, they’re just a manipulation of the mind. They’re not true if they don’t feel calm, loving, SOOTHING and kind.

Treat all fearful thoughts as gibberish and your life will change forever

If you'd love help overcoming relationship anxiety, relationship OCD or any other fear that's blocking you right now... learn more about working with me here.

It’s the micro moments where you can follow your inspired actions and life gets soooo freaking good:

- I “should” wash these dishes but what excites me is being present and playing with my kids.

- I “ought” to buy the brown boots because they’ll match more of my outfits, but I feel really drawn to these green boots instead.

- I “have” to get to my destination, but what if I just stopped and literally smelled these roses? Omg that smells so good.

If you’re new to trusting yourself, start with the micro decisions, NOT the big scary ones. You’ll start to build your confidence and conviction and actually TRUST YOURSELF!!!!!

Question: ROCD intrusive thoughts or genuine gut instincts???!

How on earth do we know the difference between what is intrusive thoughts and what could be our gut instinct telling us something isn’t right??

What I’m scared of is that it isn’t ROCD and it’s my spidey senses, it’s literally consumed my whole day and made me feel horrendous. I won’t open up to him because I don’t want to come across as crazy but it is so so horrible.

Answer: Our intuition doesn’t consume us and make us feel horrendous.

Fear does. Trauma does. Pain and wounding do.

Intuition AKA your higher self doesn’t scream thoughts at you, it is loving, kind, supportive, calm.

Interestingly, sometimes the fearful egoic mind will also try to whisper fears calmly to you (it’s clever isn’t it?) but the telltale sign is… fear. Does it look, sound or feel like fear? Then disregard it as the mind.

Intuition is loving and speaks to the positive. The mind is negative, fearful, overwhelming.

Keep in mind that it’s okay if this feels hard to understand. It’s a BIG learning and doesn’t happen overnight. This is really high level stuff that calls on us to 1st know who we are as spiritual beings, and then 2nd practice deciphering between our mind and our higher knowing/intuition.

Most people experiencing relationship anxiety and ROCD benefit most from healing and overcoming the anxiety patterns, NOT trying to decipher intuition (yet), because it’s very hard to connect with our intuition when we are in an anxious space.

Intuition is a journey and lifelong learning, not something to rush to understand. If it feels urgent, like “I NEED to know whether this is my intuition, how can I know for sure?!” then that’s an anxiety response. This can easily become a compulsion.

Stop, pause, breathe, give it space, and practice trusting instead. Get support from a coach, therapist or program if needed.

xo Samara Lane

Question: Is it normal to feel extremely attracted to other people when in a relationship?

Answer: YES! Attraction is natural, normal, healthy, and not something we can control. There’s a BIG relationship myth out there that when we’ve found the “right” partner, we won’t desire anyone else. This is false. Our body will automatically feel attracted to other people sometimes.

If we go a layer deeper, we can also start to notice, what are the qualities we find ourselves attracted to in others, and how is that mirroring our relationship with ourselves? For example, if someone is very athletic and beautiful, are we taking care of our own bodies? And/or are we perhaps judgments our bodies or appearance as not enough? This isn’t always the case, but something helpful to be mindful of!

xo Samara Lane

Question: Recently I ran into a rough roommate situation and my boyfriend offered, to save money, to move in together.

I’ve always pushed off this step because it feels almost like I’m “stuck” and that we’re making concrete decisions when I’m dealing with all of this anxiety.

Lately I’ve been very irritable with him - being bothered by small things he does and feeling like we don’t have an intimate, deep connection like other people do. It worries me. And now we signed a lease to live together for a year and I just feel stuck.

I don’t know wha t to do. On top of it I don’t know if I’m dealing with Relationship OCD or if we’re truly not compatible.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I want to live a life full of happiness and love, but I’m currently living full of anxiety and doubt.

Answer: What helped me when I took big scary steps during my relationship anxiety / rocd was…

Remembering that when I stop avoiding and take the next steps, of course I was going to feel more anxiety and doubt temporarily, I was facing my fears instead of avoiding. It’s almost like exposure work when you think about it! Be so kind to yourself during this transition. It’s a lot to process and takes time. Lean into this experience and notice that the waves of anxiety are always temporary. Radical acceptance. “The only way out is through.”

Doubt doesn’t mean don’t. Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you’ve made a mistake. It just means you have a highly sensitive, analytical mind that notices the nuances and may be prone to overthinking and anxiety. Fear is always the mind talking so notice it’s just a narrative and choose a new response instead. (Like self compassion, self love, radical acceptance, breath work, mindfulness/presence, inner child work, or even just choosing a more helpful thought instead.)

A great way to reframe is: “who cares if it feels true, is this thought helpful? Is it bringing me closer to presence/peace in this moment or further away?”

ROCD hyper focuses on compatibility. True compatibility issues could be something like “one person def wants kids and the other def doesn’t.” Most things the anxiety worries about are the minutia, things like personality traits, anything it can nitpick. Being different is normal and can actually be complimentary. Just because a partner or relationship is different than what we imagined doesn’t mean they’re wrong for us. It means we’re all human.

Please know that you’re never “stuck” with anything in life.

And it’s really hard to feel deep connection and intimacy when we’re having anxiety/ROCD ;) so again be so kind and patient with yourself! You’re doing your best and that’s always enough.

Rooting and cheering for you!! Honoring you as you take these steps. You cannot choose wrong. You are here, you are now, you are safe.

xo Samara Lane

1) Heal it from the root.

What unprocessed emotions are still lurking and seeping into your day to day life?

For one of my clients it was loneliness and emptiness from an old abandonment wound in high school.

(Relational trauma isn't always from our parents or romantic relationships. It can also stem from friendships, peers, teachers, siblings or any other person who left a mark on us.)

While working together she realized she was now emotionally abandoning herself...

This is what we're actually doing when we're stuck in our heads, avoiding the emotions/sensations in our bodies or trying to control things outside of us like our relationship or partner.

Through EFT tapping for trauma release + inner child work for deep healing, she is now the master of her emotional wellbeing.

She's been able to see patterns clearly, break cycles quickly and come back into her self-love and innate wholeness. She's seeing and FEELING the differences in her relationship and in herself.

Your freedom starts at the root.

2) Turn towards the anxiety instead of away.

Fear can't hurt you... but the resistance of fear will paralyze you.

Instead of avoiding the intrusive thoughts or anxious sensations, lean into them with whole-hearted compassion and open curiosity. Instead of taking it so seriously, treat it with tenderness and levity.

Breathe into the sensations in your body. Allow them to be there as if they were meaningless, harmless and natural. (They are.)

One of my clients recently did this by intentionally spending time with his girlfriend even when it felt triggering.

When the fears intensified as they were hanging out, he stepped into the other room for a few moments to breathe and self-soothe. Within minutes he was back to cuddling on the couch with his lady.

Don't stop your whole life. Just give your body, mind and nervous system what they need so you can fully enjoy the abundant existance you already have.

3) Reframe the shit out of your fears.

They're just stories. Everything we believe is made up anyway, so why not choose a belief that brings you closer to peace, balance, feeling grounded and connected to this present moment?

If helpful, use some gentle inquiry. If the "problem" wasn't really the problem, where might this fear actually be stemming from within yourself, your past, any unhealed wounds or patterns?

What evidence can you find AGAINST this old belief? What thought would be more helpful, loving or empowering for you right now? What thought makes you feel GOOD and is at least 80% believable?

From a combination of these practices + the safe space I hold while my clients integrate, I've watched my Unstoppable Love members go from panic and break-up urges to feeling completely night and day different...

One has just gone from intense fear and avoidance of even talking about engagement to feeling genuine excitement for it all.

Another client dissolved her fears and went from intense break-up urges to feeling present and fully embracing her partner as they take the next steps in their relationship.

Another client is a therapist herself and has shifted from a lifetime of OCD to now experiencing a depth of connection and love with her partner that only comes from transformational inner work.

These are not perfect people with perfect partners.

They're regular people who committed to integrating this work in a container that allowed them to be safely supported and totally themselves.

Your fears start dissolving the moment you remember that it's all a story your mind made up and YOU'RE the director of this movie.

You're not here to live anyone else's life or play by society's rules of black and white thinking. You're here to stand tall in your power, expand your capacity for joy and open yourself up to the frequency of love.

This is freedom.

This is happiness.

This is who you really are.

And I mean it when I say that it's available to you now.

Join me in the Unstoppable Love 1:1 mentorship program if you're ready for unwavering self-trust and crystalized contentment in your relationship and life path.

Get all the details here and see if this is the perfect fit for you.

xo Samara Lane

Releasing the preoccupation with whether to stay OR to leave…

Leaning back into the energetic arms of Source/Spirit so that you feel completely safe and secure with the uncertainty of life…

Being compassionately honest about where you’re still holding yourself back…

Taking radical responsibility for your actions and zero codependent ownership for the experiences of others…

Dropping the fear, control, and false sense of protection in a way that feels natural, almost effortless…

Lowering your walls so your heart can let ALL the love in (and out) freely…

The best part?

You are the only thing you need to start trusting yourself on the deepest level there is.

You don’t need a bunch of fancy tools or a complicated system.

You. Just. Need. Yourself.

This is why I continue to invest in private mentorship for myself, and why it’s one of my absolute favorite ways to support my badass clients.

It’s the fastest, deepest, most direct portal to unleashing YOU.

YOUR trust,

YOUR faith,

YOUR resilience,

YOUR healing,

YOUR divine path and the answers you seek.

If you’re ready to:

✨Feel safe, seen and supported as you reconnect with the brilliant light and the Divine wisdom available to you now (because it’s already yours),

✨Make bold choices in your life and relationship that set you free and allow you to experience the love, connection and peace your heart desires,

✨See daily progress and rapid shifts, like holy sh*t who is this confident unstoppable badass in the mirror?! Not because you need a quick fix (you know those don’t exist), but because you are SO IN 100% and your mentor is 1000% all in on YOU,

✨Be fully tapped into your highest self, Spirit/Source, your deepest needs and desires, your aligned path and actions,

✨Nurture your relationship in a way that feels so fulfilling and liberating all at once…

Then join me in my highest level of private mentorship, the Unstoppable Love program.

I’ve seen countless (literally I’ve lost count) clients go from anxious and doubting to confidently engaged from the magical work we’ve done together in this one program alone.

Can’t wait to see you inside!

xo Samara Lane

I know you want to feel better, find the solution, or figure out the answers to those burning questions…

But as much as you might wanna punch me for saying this, these attempts are actually THE thing that’s blocking you from having what you want.

♥️ When you ask your partner for more connection, sex or date nights from a place of “I have to have these in order to feel okay,” you’ll likely be met with resistance.

💎 When you frantically make a sales post or try to figure out “what am I doing wrong? Where is my next client coming from?”, you’re going to keep receiving a reflection of that lack, scarcity and fear.

It’s the ENERGY behind your actions that says everything.

When you get clear on a desire and ask Spirit for it (more intimacy with your partner or more sales in your business), Source is already starting to cook it up for you in the Divine kitchen.

When you then spend HOURS questioning everything or trying desperately to figure out HOW to make it happen…

You’re sending the Universe mixed signals and it doesn’t know what the hell you want. 😂

How can you start communicating TRUST with your actions?

TOTAL trust and faith that everything you desire is already on its way to you no matter what?

For me it looks like…

Going to get my nails done in the middle of my work day to tap into luxury, gratitude and the celebrity status I’m ready to call in.

This is embodiment. 🙏🏽

It looks like grounding in my body, connecting with Spirit, speaking gratitude and setting an intention for the day, then completely detaching from the outcome.

It’s finding the simple pleasures and doing them first so that everything else I do that day in my business or relationships = drenched in that energy of lightness and ease.

What does trust look like for you?

This is what my clients are EMBODYING inside Alignment Unleashed.

It’s the walk, not the talk.

This live group program is your one-stop shop for restoring self-trust and letting go of all things anxiety so you can have abundant wealth in your soul work, rock solid love in your relationships and profound peace in your life.

👉🏽 Ready to recalibrate your nervous system for sacred safety & unwavering trust so you can flow through your days with ease?

👉🏽 Want to rewire your thoughts for manifesting all forms of wealth, inner peace & rich love so you can make this a reality now?

👉🏽 Would you love to restore your connection with Soul and the abundance of Spirit so you can follow your divine path?

All of this (and more) is waiting for you inside Alignment Unleashed.

PLUS…

✨ twice-monthly live Zoom coaching calls

✨ unlimited Q&A support

✨ monthly masterclasses

✨ my entire library of trainings & courses on everything anxiety, business, relationships, self-trust and more

The truth is, I created Alignment Unleashed because it’s literally everything I ever wanted for myself!!

…I guess I’m really selfish that way. 🤣

Now I invite you to prioritize yourself, too.

Learn more here.

xo Samara Lane

Relationship anxiety is NOT about your partner.

It's about your relationship to Self.

OCD is NOT about your worst fears coming true.

It's about your relationship to SELF.

Are you trusting yourself?

How connected are you to your wiser, loving self (Soul)?

Are you willing to hold both the darkness AND the light as they move through you?

No more people pleasing.

No more perfectionism.

No more overthinking, second guessing or codependence.

As an Anxiety & OCD Expert, this is the journey that I lead my clients through in Unstoppable Love.

I don't wave a magic wand and cure you (that would be TOTALLY disempowering and a disservice to you.)

I don't reassure you or tell you what the anxiety wants to hear.

I walk side by side through the fire with you as you hold both the darkness and the light...

As you remember who you truly are (a powerful, unstoppable being with ALL your best answers inside you.)

On the other side of healing, it no longer matters what choices you make, because you TRUST YOURSELF THAT MUCH.

You feel THAT grounded, balanced and trusting in your life path, your relationships and yourself.

This is true transformation.

This is you returning to boldness through SAFETY.

It is reconnecting with your self-love, self-worth and self-trust UNAPOLOGETICALLY.

It is becoming who you've always meant to be.

YOU.

If this inspires the crap out of you and you're READY for next level healing...

Join me in Unstoppable Love now.

Only 2 spots open and going fast.

I cannot WAIT to support you in this incredible space.

xo Samara Lane

I have been in a major spiritual cycle of death and rebirth the last few months, and it's only deepening.

Even when I think I couldn't slow down any further, Spirit calls me to sit my ass down and just be.

Here I am...

Grounding in the tub, letting the water work its magic and coming back into my personal power and strength.

So much crying, releasing, meditating.

Letting go of old fears, stories and patterns.

I don't just teach Soul work to my clients...

I live it.

I practice it when I'm vibing high and feeling on top of the world (like last month when I celebrated my first $10k month in my business)!

I practice it when I slow down, go within and reconnect with the wisdom of my Soul (even if it looks like I'm lazing around and doing nothing.)

I have so much exciting transformation to share with you all in the coming months.

New perspectives... new offerings... new ways of supporting you even deeper.

As always you will get all my best learnings, I hold nothing back.

For now, know that I am here with you, and so proud to see you walk your walk.

Your path is beautiful and divine.

I see your resilience, your strength, your ever-evolving search for the highest version of yourself.

It's already you.

You are already it.

Walk with me. Immerse yourself in the resilience and inspiration of your Soul.

If you know we're meant to work together on your relationship, business, self-worth (or all of the above), sneak into my messages and let's see how we can best support your Soul desires.

Rebirth awaits you.

Will you answer the call?

xo Samara Lane

Where might you be grasping for control?

How I healed my anxiety:

Surrendering to the emotions instead of trying to control my thoughts, feelings or fate.

It was scary at first, but it allowed the emotions to release and the anxiety to pass.

How I make consistent $7k+ months in my business:

Surrendering to what my higher self actually feels inspired to do, share and sell…

NOT what my mind thinks I “should” do or “have” to do to succeed.

How I foster deeply connected relationships with my husband, daughter & family:

Surrendering to the present moment. Letting go of the need to control or force anything.

Basking in the beauty of what is (our humanity), even if it isn’t always pretty.

How I deeply trust myself, keep excelling + feel fcking unstoppable:

Surrendering. Just being here now. Gratitude for all that is. Connecting with my higher self daily (I can show you how.)

All of this is learned.

All of this is skill building.

All of this is a practice, a choice.

I can show you how.

Join us in Alignment Unleashed for all this and more.

Check it out and sign up here.

xo Samara Lane

Last night I was watching a movie with my daughter when my mind suddenly started fixating on a "big problem" in my life.

(I won't even bother describing the problem because the content of our thoughts truly does not matter!)

At first I automatically bought into what my mind was telling me.

I wasn't even aware that my mind was telling me a story, I just 100% believed that there really was a formidable problem...

…and I needed to solve it NOW!

My body felt tense and anxious as I ruminated about how best to solve this terrible predicament.

Oh man, THIS one really WAS gonna hurt me! I really HAD made a huge mistake! Oh, how could I have let this happen.

After about 3-5 mins, my awareness kicked in. It started with noticing how I was feeling in my body.

(Thanks body, you're my fav alarm system!)

Wow, my body really didn't feel good.

It felt tight, clenched, nervous and scared. That yucky "impending doom" feeling sat in the pit of my stomach.

I remembered what I've known for many years now....

That if I feel like crap in my body, or I'm buying into my thoughts, I've definitely fallen into my mind.

I remembered that the mind creates all problems, and therefore really there are no problems.

I remembered that my only job in that moment was in fact to very intentionally DO NOTHING.

Just sit with my experience, consciously observing it as an experience, looking at it objectively and letting it just be.

All of this transpired in a matter of seconds, and I already felt different.

More aligned and at peace.

I chose trust.

In that moment, I made a conscious choice that I would trust that everything is always working out for me...

That there really are no problems in this universe, just mental projections of problems...

And therefore every problem has a solution, and that solution is trusting in the flow of life and realigning with total self-acceptance.

I went back to having a wonderful night with my daughter, being present and at ease.

It was a beautiful reminder of why I do the powerful work that I do with my incredible clients.

This is freedom.

This is peace.

This is truly living.

It starts with you.

(The REAL you, your conscious awareness. NOT your mind.)

I have 1 spot left in my Relationship Anxiety / ROCD healing program Unstoppable Love at the old 2022 pricing.

Learn more here and book a free clarity call to see if it’s the perfect fit:

samaralane.com/unstoppable

Grab it now.

To your peace & freedom!!

xo Samara Lane

You are ascending.

For the last 45 days I have been moving through one of the biggest ascensions of my life.

I’ve been crying more.

(Literally just moments ago I was weeping my way down to the fridge for some cold brew.)

Some old anxiety has revisited me.

I’ve been tossing and turning at night.

Moving slower.

Sleeping longer.

I know it’s because, once again, it’s time to lovingly integrate more of who I truly am and release the energy, beliefs & behaviors that no longer serve me.

It’s not because my life choices are wrong or because I’ve f*cked up my path and now I have to face the music.

It’s actually because I’m RIGHT ON TRACK and my next level of blissful empowerment is opening up to me.

(More accurately, I am opening up to it.)

Leveling up looks messy.

It’s beautiful, raw, envigorating, aligning and miraculous.

And it’s equal parts confusing, daunting, emotional and even triggering.

This isn’t my first rodeo.

I know how to move through this with faith, grace, balance and honor.

I feel confident as I immerse myself in my own techniques and allow life to work its magic on me.

But I am still wise enough not to do it all alone.

I’m working closely with myself… healing my inner child on new levels… strengthening my spiritual practices… and investing even more deeply with MY coaches to make the most of this epic transition.

You don’t need the throw in the towel on your relationship, or your business dream, or your ___.

Now is the time to DOUBLE DOWN on your desires and your commitment to SELF.

If you feel the pull, now is the PERFECT time to join me in one of my high level private coaching programs for overcoming relationship anxiety or starting your own thriving business.

(All rates go up Feb 1st. Get in now at the lowest prices they’ll ever be.)

You are ready to level up and leave old fear patterns behind forever.

This is your time, NOW.

You are being summoned.

You know that putting it off, doing nothing or hiding behind excuses only makes it worse.

Join me now as we walk together through your own divine doorway to inner peace, calm confidence, and an explosion of creativity, joy & abundance.

Everything you want is waiting for you on the other side.

And it’s available to you now.

Message me for options and we’ll find the perfect program or container for you.

I cannot wait to watch you soar!!!

xo Samara Lane

After leaving a recent parenting class together, me & Cody realized that we had VERY different priorities and takeaways.

I thought we really needed to work on our communication with our kiddo. (Which has been a point of contention for us in the past.)

He thought we really could help her practice more independence.

If I’d let it, relationship anxiety would’ve loved to hook me with something like this and given it meaning & significance…

“We aren’t compatible.”

“He’s not the kind of parent I always imagined myself being with.”

“Maybe I chose the wrong partner.”

And you know how that would’ve ended…

Ruminating, nitpicking, seeking reassurance, “ruining” our otherwise lovely and helpful parenting class experience.

Instead I practiced exactly what I teach my clients.

First I honored the disappointment I was feeling.

Then I accepted that some automatic negative thoughts about my partner had come up, and looked at the facts.

The fact is, different takeaways are a really healthy and normal thing, because we’re two unique individuals.

Hell, if he was just like me, we wouldn’t be prioritizing our kid’s independence which is also super important!

We balance one another. That is a blessing and a gift.

We also used it as an opportunity for openness and curiosity instead of fighting about it.

(Wait, before you start comparing, 😂 yes we fight sometimes too.)

We sat down and had an open convo about what each of us took away from the class, so we could also be more on the same page.

He heard me, and I heard him.

We are BOTH better parents (and partners) for it.

Just because your partner doesn’t see things the same way you do — or isn’t who you always envisioned being with — doesn’t mean they’re bad or wrong for you.

The universe only gives us one of two things: what we ask for, or something even better.

I used to ask for a “perfect” partner.

Thank God the universe knows better than me. 😉

xo Samara Lane

Staying in it seemed to mean that I’d feel this anxiety and doubt forever.

Was this really the right partner?

It couldn’t be. It was too different from what I’d always expected relationships to be like.

(It was way fcking harder. )

Was I settling?

This is the worst self-betrayal. I’ll regret it forever. Leaving is the only way out.

But leaving my relationship seemed to mean ultimate failure and shame.

It meant losing a wonderful partner, best friend and life that I loved in so many ways.

It seemed like admitting that I’d fcked up in the worst way, wasted years of my life with the wrong person, and duped myself into believing it was the right choice.

It meant I was a fool and a coward for even staying so long in a clearly unworthy relationship.

It meant I was unworthy too.

The battle became a war within myself.

Catch 22.

Damned if I stay, damned if I leave.

Then I realized this was clearly the fearful mind having a hay day with me lol.

Through these outdated lenses of fear and self-loathing, it had found the perfect prison to keep me entrapped.

To keep me spinning in circles and never truly finding my way out.

So I opted out of the game.

I stopped trying to find answers within the doubt.

And I focused on loving and accepting ME.

The truth is that my relationship isn’t guaranteed.

Even my marriage of now 8 years (together 12 years total) is not necessarily forever.

But it’s okay for me to choose it anyway.

I am just as worthy because my relationship and choice of partner does not define me.

They enrich me.

It’s okay if our relationship lasts for always, and it’s okay if it doesn’t.

Neither outcome MEAN anything about my happiness or self-worth.

They’re just life unfolding.

I cannot control this thing called life and I don’t need to in order to be happy.

I only need to come back to my wholeness and the happiness that lies within myself.

Even if sh*t feels really hard right now, or sometime in the future, you can never be truly disconnected from the peace and love within you.

This is your happy place.

It IS you.

Don’t forget it.

Return to it whenever you wish.

I am not ROCD and neither are you.

It's but a Soul reminder to love yourself exactly as you are.

You are worthy.

Right now.

Already.

I love you.

xo Samara Lane

Once upon a time, your ancestors honored the cycles of the earth and the rhythm of the weather and seasons.

Being-ness, quietude, Mother Earth, sacred feminine, connection to nature, to the Self, receiving and living in the flow of life…

All these things were valued high above the uber-masculine ways of doing, thinking and controlling.

We all have masculine and feminine energies within us.

Neither is good or bad, better or worse.

But our way of life has become SO imbalanced since ancient & modern colonization that our self-worth is now directly tied to our doing and having.

Anxiety is a result of this imbalance.

You’ve been taught that you need to control, fix and “conquer.”

You need to go get more stuff.

Go get a better partner.

Go get a better body or house or bank account.

You need to be the best and look & act a certain way.

You need to feel one certain way (happy and confident) ALL the time, and if you don’t, you better suck it up and smile anyway.

You’ve been told that you don’t have enough yet, you haven’t done enough yet, you aren’t enough already.

Colonization and the modern world focus on everything OUT THERE.

At their most fundamental level, ancient conquests and pillages were about seeking wholeness from outside of the Self.

But we know this is impossible, because you’re already whole.

All you need to do is get quiet and still long enough to REMEMBER this inherent truth…

…and RECONNECT with the feeling and knowing of wholeness that already resides within you.

We were taught to sacrifice our health and find our happiness & wholeness OUT THERE.

Because only then can we look back on our life and determine that it was all worthwhile and we did a good job.

None of this shit matters.

What if you ARE the journey?

What if you ARE the destination?

What if there is nothing else you have to do, get or become in order to have a full and meaningful life?

What if you’re already enough and that’s it?

What matters is YOU.

Reconnection to the Self.

Rebirth of your Soul.

Your infinite wisdom.

Your gentle heart space.

Go stare at a tree for 5 minutes and tell me you aren’t better off than before…

just from that one small act of honoring nature and slowing down into your sacred silence.

This is living.

Not out there.

In here.

You are enough.

This is why I do the work that I do.

If you know you’d love to work together, reach out.

Connect with me.

I love you ❤️

xo Samara Lane

Then a funny thing happened.

I got pregnant and freaked out daily over whether I'd have a miscarriage.

I started my own business and worried constantly about whether I was good enough.

I experienced inflammation issues and started obsessing about my body and diet.

It didn't matter what was happening in my life...

There was ALWAYS something to worry about and trigger more fears!

That's when I realized that the "theme" or focus of my anxiety had never been the problem.

It's the old, unhelpful pattern UNDERNEATH the anxiety that is actually the problem.

Now I welcome fear, anxiety and any uncomfortable thought/sensation that wants to pop in from time to time.

Anxiety is my superpower.

Wait...what?

It's my compass, my barometer, that reminds me I've fallen out of alignment with my happiest authentic self.

And because I know what works, I can use my signature ALIGN Method to snap myself back into alignment, peace, ease and confidence anytime at the drop of a hat.

Wanna know how?

Here's a great example of how this works:

I remember when I was first launching my Alignment Unleashed program where you'll get UNLIMITED access me + powerful trainings to help you break free from the anxiety, fears and blocks that have been keeping you stuck and confused around ANY area of your life...

As I started putting together the program, I noticed some constriction and unease in my chest.

My body felt stiff and tense. I knew this meant something was off.

OLD Samara would've thought, "omg, this must mean that this new program idea is all wrong, I shouldn't do this."

Because anxiety tends to assume that the "theme" or content of its obsession IS the problem... when in fact, the "problem" is NEVER really the problem!

So I paused and got curious.

I asked myself, "What's the old pattern that I'm being called to release now?"

And it hit me.

It was an old pattern of me not embracing my power, my light, my heart's desire.

This old pattern was programmed to hold me back as a way of protecting myself.

It wasn't bad or ill-intentioned... It just wasn't coming from my highest self. It was coming from fear and old stories.

So I gave myself compassion and empathy for feeling this way, and I immediately felt a weight lift off my chest.

I also remembered how safe I am to be me, to serve others, and to share my signature ALIGN Method with the world so that others like me (perfectionists, people pleasers and high achievers) can also know true peace and freedom from their anxious minds and fearful thoughts.

I’m not special… if I can do this, so can you.

If you’d love to learn how, join us in Alignment Unleashed.

xo Samara Lane

You only overthink & ruminate because it used to be your security blanket.

You only grasp or resist because it used to make you feel as if you were more safe and in control.

There’s no shame in this.

I’ve done it all.

But the truth is that you are already safe.

You already are supported.

No amount of over-thinking, over-planning, or overdoing could ever make this moreso.

Because safety is the infinite truth of your Soul.

The old coping mechanisms and compulsions that you fall into are what cause the misery and mental exhaustion.

These are the old patterns that we’re about to drop like an outworn pair of shoes inside Alignment Unleashed and replace with something truly life-giving:

Confidence & self trust.

Join here if you’re ready!

xo Samara Lane

"I'm feeling SO much better now. But what if I fall back into old patterns and my anxiety gets worse again?"

"What if I take 2 steps back or 10 steps back?"

Here's what she came to in our session and what I now invite you to remember for yourself:

Healing is not linear. Growth is not a straight line.

You are so safe to make space for both the highs and the lows of this journey.

You cannot unlearn everything you've already mastered and all the ways in which you've grown.

Even if you fall into old behaviors at times, you're not who you were even 1 month ago.

Think of how much you've learned already, all the understanding and self-awareness around your anxiety you have now that you didn't have then.

Don't take your progress for granted. It's real.

You're a whole new version of yourself now.

You can't break it.

With every "backslide" or messy moment comes an opportunity in disguise...

A chance to notice the compulsions sooner, choose a new response, shed more layers of this healing "onion" and transform even more deeply.

You can never truly backslide.

There is only growth.

We all have our karma to work through in this lifetime.

For some of us it's romantic relationships.

For others it's around money, work, health, loss.

There are so many ways we can experience life challenges and it's OKAY if yours is around relationships at the moment.

You aren't being punished. You've done nothing wrong.

It doesn't mean anything about your relationship, your choices or your partner.

It just happens to be the most meaningful path to your spiritual evolution in this lifetime.

It's simply your unique road back to inner peace, self-compassion and unconditional love.

Trust this.

xo Samara Lane

This is going to trigger & piss some of you off!!

But it’s what needs to come through today.

As a bisexual cis woman I am privileged.

I can pass without anyone even realizing I’m queer, skirting any potential judgment, rejection or abuse.

I can go to the women’s nude spa here in Lynnwood without being discriminated against.

As a white woman I am privileged.

White ladies don’t clutch their purses tighter when I sit next to them on the bus (something I have witnessed more than once.)

Police assume the best of me when they see me driving by or walking at night in a hooded sweatshirt.

My privilege is something I don’t even have to THINK about.

It’s just there, following me throughout my daily life, wherever I go.

THAT is privilege.

And at the same time…. it’s nothing for me to be ASHAMED of.

Me wallowing in white guilt helps 0 people of color.

Me worrying and shaming myself empowers 0 marginalized individuals.

What CAN I do?

Well, for starters…

I can acknowledge, own and apologize when I say or do something hurtful.

And boy, have I ever….

When I was younger I (tried to be) a punk and idolized skinheads. (Many aren’t racist but some are, and racism permeates a lot of classic punk culture and my entire ancestral line.)

….But that was MY CHOICE to knowingly adopt many of those beliefs. I knew better.

I said a lot of hurtful, racist sh*t to many people.

As a teen struggling with my own sexuality, I remember calling a queer boy names to his face in front of his friends (who fortunately defended him.)

It doesn’t bring me any pride or relief to share this, because it’s not about me.

It’s about standing up for what’s right by owning my part.

If you enjoy privilege of any kind, you can be an ally. In MANY ways.

It starts with self-responsibility.

It doesn’t excuse anything I’ve done, but I’m sorry.

I’ve hurt people.

And even with my present day self-awareness, I will still hurt people sometimes.

Even though I won’t consciously mean to, it will hurt them just the same.

So I will keep showing up in self-reflection.

I will keep doing my part to make amends and self-educate.

I will keep prioritizing the spread of LOVE and COMPASSION over my own fears, insecurities or shame.

Shame hides and perpetuates suffering.

Vulnerability opens us up to love, acceptance and healing.

By sharing this I hope even 1 white, straight or cisgender person finds the courage to break the cycle of denial, reflect on their unconscious bias and choose anew….

But WITHOUT beating themselves up.

Because it’s not about you 😉

It’s about love ❤️

xo Samara Lane

If someone you love struggles with mental health, please remember…

They are doing their best with a very hard thing.

Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

They aren’t lazy, crazy or copping out. No one consciously chooses suffering. They’re human and they’ve gone through some shit. And they’re far from alone.

They are not broken. Don’t try to fix them. What they really need is your love, patience and compassion as they reconnect with the wisdom already inside of them.

It’s not their fault, but healing is their responsibility.

Support them by listening, hugging and accepting them as they are.

Only when we are accepted as we are can we change.

Just because their journey looks different from yours doesn’t make it any less valid.

xo Samara Lane

Just got off a client call, SO much wisdom & power he's embodying despite years of past struggles with relationship anxiety / ROCD...

Here are some nuggets we covered that are too good not to share!!

🔥 When we're attracted to someone else it's not bc we want them over our partner, it's bc of what it symbolizes (wanting more attention, etc.) and we can tap into that ourselves or ask for what we need anytime.

🔥 The problem with "grass is always greener" is we're fantasizing about all the positives and leaving out all the real life flaws and challenges that come with ANYTHING in life, not just relationships.

🔥 Don't compare yourself to others because there IS no comparison. You're completely unique and there are 7 billion people on the planet, we can't all do everything the same way or in the same order!!

Favorite feeling…

Sitting back and watching as my clients describe how night and day better they feel since investing in their happiness and getting the right kind of support.

There's nothing like learning how to break YOURSELF free and becoming your own greatest source of strength, peace, confidence and calm... not just sometimes but consistently.

This is integration.

This is mastery.

This is the power of 1:1 coaching.

There's just nothing like it!!

Message me for options

xo Samara Lane

She realized that so much of her relationship anxiety was based on a message that she'd heard her whole life:

"If a couple has had certain challenges in the past, they always will."

Whaaat?! How disparaging is that?

Would we say to a little kid, "well, if reading has felt hard in the past, it always will." Or "welp, I guess that book just isn't for you."

Hell no!

We'd encourage and support them.

If someone cared about their hobby/passion and wanted to make it work, but kept struggling with self-doubt or repeated challenges, we wouldn't tell them to give up on their dream.

And yet this is the double standard that society often puts on romantic relationships.

This is the black & white, all-or-nothing, fairytale fantasy reasoning that has permeated culture, media and Hollywood for decades.

"Doubt means don't"...

Uhh... anxious minds DOUBT things! The highly sensitive mind can overthink anything, from what to order to dinner, what color of car to buy or whether to accept the amazing promotion at work.

Society & culture put unreasonable double standards on romantic relationships that aren't placed on other areas of life.

I get it, the world is still relatively new to marrying for love. It wasn't very long ago that marriage was for security/status.

During cultural transitions there's often a great learning curve, where we jump from one extreme (loveless marriages) to another (fantasy seeking.)

For those reading this who've never doubted or faced significant challenges with their relationship, I'm truly so happy for you.

For those of you who've struggled with relationship anxiety/rocd at any point, please don't compare yourself to those who haven't.

It's not an even remotely fair or accurate comparison.

Pervasive relationship myths are one of the biggest reasons why RA/ROCD is likely THE most complex form of anxiety/ocd to tease out and break free from.

You are stronger than the myths.

You are more than your conditioning.

You are in charge and you can do this.

xo Samara Lane

1) Stop giving power to the times when you "messed up."

Write out a list of the times in your life when you weren't sure if things would turn out okay, and in the end... they totally did.

What evidence can you find that you CAN trust yourself to navigate difficult situations and make choices?

What evidence can you find that you CAN trust in life to have your back?

Where focus goes, energy flows.

We can find evidence for ANYTHING, so stop dwelling on the handful of times when you made a "mistake" and give yourself heaps of credit for all the times you've succeeded or made it through something hard.

LOOK AT HOW FAR YOU'VE ALREADY COME!!!

2) Forgive yourself.

You're human. You're not perfect. You never need to be, and you were never meant to be.

As a young adult I abused myself and let others abuse me. I hurt other people and made choices from a place of self-loathing, pain and fear.

This created all kinds of nasty situations in my life that I later looked back on as "evidence" that I sucked and wasn't good enough... As "evidence" that I made poor choices and couldn't trust myself.

My inner critic then used this as fuel to keep beating myself up.

Even though it felt "true" or believable or "real," this self-talk wasn't helpful.

It was making me miserable and not taking me anywhere I wanted to go.

So I started choosing self-compassion.

I started asking myself regularly, "What would love do? What would compassion say?"

I normalized these mistakes for myself...

"We've all done some sh*t we aren't proud of. It doesn't define me. Just more proof that I'm human. I forgive myself for being human. It's okay to be me. It's safe to be me. I am always enough."

I gave myself empathy and validation...

"Of course I hurt others and myself. I was in a lot of pain. I had no tools. I was doing the best I knew how with what was available to me at the time. There's no shame in that."

I looked at how this was actually a GOOD thing instead of a bad thing...

"This made me who I am today. I am not that pain and suffering, but I am stronger because of it. I know myself much more deeply. I'm more self-aware and compassionate. It makes me relatable to others who have also felt this way. Now I can share my stories, connect with others and help make the world a better place."

3) Stop "shoulding" on yourself.

Start noticing moments when you feel pressure or start thinking of all the shoulds, musts, and have to's.

Says who?

Where's this big rulebook on life that our mind keeps referring to?

Who's to say what's right or wrong?

Who's to say that your heart's desires aren't actually the PERFECT thing to follow?

A great question to ask yourself when you notice your fearful mind second guessing is...

"If I knew that my success was totally guaranteed and I would be completely safe no matter what, what would I now do?"

We forget that WE hold all the permission slips... not anyone or anything outside of ourselves.

Give yourself permission to just BE!

You do you.

TRUST THAT!

4) Take risks.

You are safe to take risks, experiment, try new things, fall down, get back up, make choices and just freaking go for it.

When we avoid anything remotely risky or uncertain, we're telling ourselves (and our inner child), "I don't trust you."

We're living life from Fear, not Love.

When we take safe, loving risks, like...

- ordering the first menu item for dinner that speaks to us (instead of hemming and hawing)

- riding a rollercoaster in a reputable theme park (instead of talking ourselves out of it or not even considering it)

- going all in our big dream or starting our own business (instead of dabbling or staying in decision mode forever)

- getting married or having kids (instead of waiting for the certainty and control that will never come bc they don't exist)...

We teach ourselves that it's okay to trust.

And we start REALLY living.

I take loving risks every day because I'm not available for playing small or selling myself short.

(Insert YOLO here.)

Start small!

Trust yourself to just say what's on your heart, or be vulnerable, or self-soothe instead of seeking reassurance, or say "no" instead of people pleasing, or act on a whim when it lights you up and inspires you.

You are so safe.

Life is just for fun.

Go play it!

xo Samara Lane

While visiting a friend the other day I shared one of my long term visions that I’d love to speak on stages someday as part of my mission to help as many people as possible.

She didn’t mean anything by it, but she responded with “that can actually be the most challenging of all, if you do that you really gotta keep your ego in check.”

(Sure, there may be some truth to that.)

I noticed my mind’s reaction to this and observed the narrative of my thoughts for a moment…

“Does she think I have an ego problem? Would I let that go to my head?”

Then I simply leaned back into my truth and reframed that narrative into, “that’s her opinion, based on HER stuff, not mine.”

Anyone’s opinion is just that… an opinion. It’s not about you. It’s not even based on you! It’s coming through THEIR filter of world views, self-judgments and life experiences.

It’s just a lens.

When we’re relearning self-trust, self-love and confidence, we’re used to basically trying on everyone else’s glasses and then thinking “oh, THIS must be reality.”

But the truth is that they’re all just different pairs of glasses and NONE of them are yours.

NONE of them can help you navigate your world as clearly as YOUR glasses can.

Other peoples opinions?

F*ck ‘em!

With ALL the love in the world! Screw them all.

They’re not yours. They’re not as important as yours when it comes to living your truth. And frankly, most of the time they’re downright irrelevant.

If no one else was around, what would YOUR opinion be?

What do YOU feel, need and want?

Tune in.

Feel it.

Honor it.

Advocate for it.

THIS IS SELF-TRUST.

This is self-love.

This is how you reclaim your confidence.

This is exactly what my private clients are mastering every. single. day.

I have 2 secret sales going on right now for private coaching. Message me here for more info.

xo Samara Lane

...and I became aware enough in that moment to realize, "I want to run. I want to abandon this whole friendship bc of this minor conflict right now. I don't feel safe and I want to bolt."

In that moment it finally clicked for me that this wasn't just something I'd fantasized about in my relationship whenever my partner did something "wrong" (AKA I didn't like/agree with.)

This was just a THING I did.

A coping mechanism.

An escape route.

My mind was in fight/flight/freeze, whether my heartrate felt escalated or not... this was my attempt to flee.

(Anxious avoidant much?) 🤣

If I wasn't worried about what someone thought of me (are they mad? Did I upset them? Was I in the wrong? Should I apologize?)

I was freaking out about what I thought about THEM (do I really want this friendship, relationship, or ____? Am I allowing myself to be mistreated by staying? Should I ditch this whole thing?)

It's the same reason why I spent YEARS debating whether to have a kid, or whether to really take my business dreams to the next level...

I needed to feel safe.

Not from anything out there, but from IN HERE.

The BEST thing we can do is usually the LAST thing that occurs to us...

Stepping outside of our thinking mind for just a moment...

JUST long enough to notice, where is the pattern here?

Do I ever do this in other areas of my life?

Taking the microscope off of everyone/everything outside of you and go within.

When have I felt this way before?

Even just this morning in the shower I connected some dots that I never had before, in all these years of healing my own anxiety from every angle...

I had a "best friend" in grade school who would walk off and threaten to end our whole friendship whenever I did anything that made her remotely uncomfortable (angry, embarrassed, etc.)

I remembered coming home from school many times crying to my mom as she did her best to coach me through it. (So many connections here lol.)

There is always more to the story.

There is always more to unpack.

The first step is awareness.

The second step is healing and support.

I'll continue to reparent this beautiful Little Samara anytime the "run away" story comes up, and because I know how, this gets to be a very gentle and loving experience for me.

Nothing like when I used to try to untangle the web of intrusive thoughts without knowing what the heck to do!

If you're ready for step 2 (healing and support), find your person.

Whether it's me, a therapist, a friend, a community...

Your safe healing space and that loving, expert support is out there waiting for you to take the next step.

You're worth it.

xo Samara Lane

Drum roll...

Wait for it..lead.

True healing doesn't make us realize that we've outgrown our partner or that this relationship isn't right for us...

Healing only allows us to feel present and in charge, able to reconnect with our own inner peace, and experience WAY more of those sweet, peaceful moments that you've already had glimpses of in your relationship.

You don't become a different version of yourself who wants to leave.

You simply become MORE of the peaceful, happy, content version of yourself that you already are deep down.

Only now, you're even wiser and more resilient than before.

You can handle any challenge that comes your way with ease and grace.

And you and your partner can become the unstoppable team you've always dreamed of.

After healing, the relationship only gets better.

This was true for me and, believe it or not, I've never seen an exception in all my years of coaching clients.

Do you want this freedom and peace of mind for yourself?

Pick from any of these 3 powerful ways to work with me right now so that you can feel the incredible peace and genuine relief that others have:

Decoding Relationship Anxiety / This is for you if you struggle to differentiate between anxiety vs. “intuition/gut knowing/God’s plan,” “incompatibility,” or “what if it isn’t really RA/ROCD?

This powerful Masterclass will help you overcome these fears for good so that you can get back to enjoying life! Plus get 1 week private coaching with me to answer all of your questions and tap into genuine clarity and massive relief.

Includes 60 min masterclass to help you break free from intrusive thoughts and get to the root of your RA/ROCD for lasting results. Lifetime access to masterclass + bonus 5 days unlimited private voice/text coaching with me on Telegram to answer all your biggest questions and jumpstart your success.

30 Day Intensive / This is for you if you want to accomplish one specific goal as quickly as possible: understand and start healing your RA/ROCD from the root so that you can feel night & day different in your relationship a month from now. It never stops amazing me what you can do with this level of support. One of my clients just went from triggered and doubting to confidently engaged shortly after this program. It works if you work it!

Get an entire month of unlimited private voice/text coaching with me on Telegram + 30 days private clients-only Facebook group access + my entire Unstoppable Love signature course with all my exact steps for healing and overcoming RA/ROCD for good.

Alignment Unleashed / This is for you if you want total transformation to free yourself from relationship anxiety/ocd AND all other forms of fear, anxiety and self-doubt in your life. This program includes everything in the above 2 and so much more. You know that this is a long game for you and you want support every step of the way. If your anxiety ever switches to another theme, or your enter into a new phase of life, you want 1 program that stays with you and powerfully guides you through it all. You want to live from Love not Fear and become the highest version of yourself possible.

Your choice between 4 private calls or 2 months unlimited private voice/text coaching on Telegram for the deepest transformation possible + lifetime access to our private members-only Facebook group + monthly group calls + lifetime access to EVERY course and program I release in this space now and in the future, including:

Healing & Overcoming RA/ROCD, Making Decisions With Confidence, Healing All Forms of Anxiety + Restoring Self-Trust, Confidently Starting & Growing Your Own Business, and more.

Not sure which is right for you, or don't see what you need?

Just reply to this email and I'll help you find the EXACT type of support you need to get the results you desire.

I can't wait to support you in this expanded way!

xo Samara Lane

"What if this is really God/intuition telling me to leave my relationship? What if we're incompatible or I'm settling because it's easier to stay than to leave?"

Here's my FIRST answer...

How many times have you thought some version of these same thoughts?

Have you ever found an answer that your mind STAYED satisfied with?

The human brain has on average 60k thoughts per day and most are on repeat…

So probably MILLIONS of times you’ve thought some version of these doubts, even if the theme changed at times. ❤️

And I'm gonna assume that your mind has never stayed truly satisfied with an answer and that’s why you’re still struggling with doubts. 😉

THIS is how we know it’s based in fear/anxiety/the egoic mind.

The HARDEST part of my RA journey was finally being vulnerable enough to let my guard down and accept that it was really anxiety and not the wrong relationship.

Because in many ways, leaving would have been easier.

Leaving would have allowed me to feel "in control" and experience the temporary "finality" of breaking up or starting something new.

Our mind thinks, "ooh, control! Ooh, certainty! Ooh, relief!"

But that's a band-aid fix that ignores the root of the problem.

STAYING takes guts. It calls us to relinquish the illusion of control and certainty…

And start healing ourselves instead of projecting our perfectionism or lack of self-trust onto our relationship.

If you want to finally squash every one of your intrusive thoughts once and for all and feel the deep peace and confident calm that come from breaking free…

Click here to learn how we can work together and create transformative results in your relationship and life.

xo Samara Lane

In that way, and many others, he is my "everything."

As I write this I feel overwhelmed with gratitude for his beautiful heart and all that he does as a husband, a father and a man.

And there have been times when I had to be HIS rock, and it felt hard. Really hard.

And I did it anyway.

He has broken my trust, hurt me and wronged me.

And I've done all those things to him too.

No matter what, through it all, we CHOOSE to be best friends anyway.

We cuddle and watch a show after our kid is asleep.

We talk about our dreams and our sexual fantasies. We laugh and cry together.

We apologize after fighting.

We fail (sometimes epically) and try again.

Most importantly, when shit hits the fan (it does), we don't ask IF we can make our marriage work…

We get curious about HOW we can make it work. (While still honoring ourselves.)

Keep in mind…

If I was reading this years ago in the throes of my relationship anxiety I would've compared myself to this, like “oh my relationship doesn't have that, maybe I'm not with the right partner.”

Don't do that.

Your relationship has so many treasures in it that mine doesn't.

Neither is right or wrong, better or worse.

They're just different.

We are all unique. And at the same time, the core of the message is the same…

None of us is perfect.

On a Soul level we are truly divine and as humans we are messy and bumbling at best.

But your relationship is strong.

You are strong.

Your love is strong.

No matter what your mind says or your body feels, you can do this.

Idk who needs to hear this today, but there you go.

All my love,

xo Samara Lane

PS - a note for the OCD mind: I don’t feel “in love” with my husband all the time, and he is not literally my “everything.” Those are the fairytales we were sold growing up. Not only are they unrealistic, they’re unnecessary. Real love don’t need all the bells and whistles. It just needs faith.

"Did you ever think you wouldn't make it?"

The answer is absolutely YES. 1000 times I thought this.

And in those moments, I BELIEVED it. I really had more breakup urges that I can count, thousands of times when I thought "this is it... I always knew we'd end... it wasn't RA all along... we really are breaking up."

I also have come full circle to the other side of that.

To the place where I have complete trust and faith in our relationship, marriage and family, NO MATTER WHAT.

I BELIEVE in our marriage and in MYSELF to make this choice and build a life with my partner.

It no longer matters to me:

- How I attracted or in love I feel

- Whether we argued recently

- How any other relationship looks or compares

- What other people do, say or think about our relationship

- What negative thoughts pop into my head automatically

- How emotional one of us feels about something

I know how to come back into love, connection and joy in myself and our relationship.

I know I can trust myself and my decisions.

I know that no matter what happens, I've made the perfect choice for me.

How did I get here?

It starts with a decision.

A decision to keep showing up as the version of myself that I desire to be.

To keep treating my partner how I would treat him if I WAS sure about us.

To keep getting curious about what's really at the root of my own anxiety/triggers (it has nothing to do with our partners, despite how messy and flawed they may be!)

To keep asking myself, HOW can this work? Instead of "what if it doesn't work."

There's a gumption to it. A conviction.

When you make that decision, you become unstoppable.

This is why I created the 30 Day Intensive and why my clients get such consistently jaw-dropping results.

Not only do I work 1:1 with you in a private container to get straight to the root of the problem, heal whatever is underneath, master your mindset (while staying true to yourself) + show you how to never fall victim to anxiety again...

Your BELIEF (and the real stuff to prove it) is going to SKYROCKET.

You are not stuck this way.

Relationship anxiety & ROCD are not a life sentence.

This is not who you are.

There's nothing wrong with you.

You are NOT the exception.

If this resonates, I invite you to take the next step now and join me in the 30 Day Intensive.

It will change your life.

This can be you:

"Things are going so well. I'm so much calmer. Our relationship has been so strong lately. We've had more sex than ever before since you've been supporting me. We're just so happy and I feel my anxiety being night and day away from where I was prior to working together."

"Without you I'm not sure where I would be. Thank you from the bottom of my heart."

"You are a god send! I have worked with so many therapists and no one has made me feel so cared for... Things are amazing. You saved my relationship and helped me so much. You are a rock star and I can never thank you enough."

See details, pricing & join now.

Or email me here with any questions!

xo Samara Lane

For years I spent most of my waking hours trying to make enough money to NOT feel stressed or inadequate…

Or hoping my partner would change or become “better” so that I could feel confident and safe in our relationship...

Or trying to say and do all the “right” things in order to be enough and approved of by others.

The more I tried to MAKE things happen, the more frustrated and fearful I became.

Anytime something appeared to go “wrong” I would lose my sh*t and frantically try to fix it (which only made things worse.)

And after about 17,894,922,670 times of doing this…

It finally dawned on me 😂 IT WASN’T WORKING.

Not truly. Not really.

So I decided to do things differently.

Not from a place of trying to GET something.

But from a place of trust.

A place of “I already am and have everything I need. And so it is.”

I started responding to situations as if they weren’t a problem and as if everything was always working out for me, so why sweat it.

The more I did this, the more it became true.

And I realized that I had been the creator of my reality all along.

This doesn’t mean my human feelings are invalid.

Or that I consciously wanted and chose all my struggles.

Or that it’s my job to control, change or force things.

Quite the opposite!

By letting go and learning how to ground myself in self-trust and faith that life/God/Source always have my back…

I am unstoppable.

My business thrives. I get divine downloads, fresh inspiration and all my biggest sales months always come from this place.
My relationship flourishes. Our connection, love, attraction and communication skyrocket.

And I get to spend most of my waking hours present, excited, grateful, fulfilled.

No more ruminating or overthinking…

Just relaxing into the arms of love & trust.

How do you reconnect with your self-love or self-trust?

What makes you feel more connected to life or something greater than yourself?

Do that now.

Be that now.

Live that now.

If you aren’t sure how, get on the waitlist now for Alignment Unleashed.

Message me.

xo Samara Lane

Soul says “you are powerful beyond your wildest imagination.”

“You’ve got this.”

“You are SO safe.”

“You are divinely held and supported.”

“I’m always right here and I’ve got your back 1000%.”

“Maybe this will turn out even BETTER than you think.”

“Here’s your next step. Trust it. Do it. And I’ll tell you the rest later.”

Where are you not fully trusting in Soul/Spirit/Divine right now?

Where are you judging, resisting or not going all in on your heart’s desire?

Here’s your sign that you are SO safe to move forward.

Even if the fearful mind goes kicking and screaming…

That is not who you are.

Even if circumstances look different at the moment than you desire them to be…

That is no longer who YOU are.

Take the leap and Soul will catch you.

Every.

Single.

Time.

(I promise!)

xo Samara Lane

1) I hope this anxiety goes away.

2) I wish I could have the relationship, business, money, body, etc. that I want.

3) I wonder what I’m doing wrong.

💜 New me:

1) How do I want to feel rn?

How can I allow my body to feel that way right this moment without changing anything outside of me?

Even just breathing and smiling into the knowing that I am already “there”, that life is already anyway that I choose it to be, that my desired experience doesn’t come from anything outside me but from INSIDE me right now.

2) How would I feel physically and emotionally if all of those dreams were already true?

How can I allow my body to sink into that beautiful feeling in this moment?

What would that version of me be doing, thinking or feeling rn?

She wouldn’t be putting genetically modified foods on her plate, so I’ll choose mostly whole foods instead.

She would allow herself to take a nap instead of forcing herself to work on her business while exhausted, so I’ll let my body rest first.

She wouldn’t ruminate about her relationship, she would remember that nothing bad is actually happening in this moment and she would appreciate her superhero husband, so I’m going to do that now.

3) Ah, I’m noticing something is happening that isn’t my desired reality.

No big deal, this is just a reflection of what I manifested while I was in a lower vibrational mindset in the past.

My only job in this moment is to trust… believe… KNOW… that everything I desire is already happening, and FEEL how amazing that experience feels in my body.

From this place, there is no resistance.

There is no needing or wishing.

There is only “thank f*cking god for this incredible life of mine.”

And so it is.

xo Samara Lane

We talk a lot in the Relationship Anxiety / ROCD community about how "is my partner right for me" is really a projection of our own lack of self-worth and self-love...

And how the deeper invitation is to radically accept ourselves, our worth, our humanity, our choices...

And yes, this is absolutely true.

But sometimes on my journey I've forgotten to then bring it back full circle to "and therefore my PARTNER is also equally enough, whole and complete exactly as they are."

The Relationship Anxiety / ROCD sometimes wants to stop at "okay I'm finally realizing my worth... so now does that mean I could find someone better? Am I settling?"

Instead, these questions are really shining a light on our need to learn how to love more deeply.

Learning to love and accept ourselves and our choices.

Learning to love and accept others equally.

Love is the highest calling, the highest spiritual duty than any one of us have on this planet.

Every time we choose to allow our partners to be enough, even when we aren't feeling butterflies, or when they do something we don't like, or when someone else looks better...

We are coming back to the deepest act of love there is.

xo Samara Lane

When my partner of 2 years proposed to me, it ended with me huddled in a ball, crying on the kitchen floor about all of his imperfections and my doubts that our relationship could work.
(Even though deep down I wanted to be with him.)

This is when I realized, uhh, I might have a problem.

I spent hours Googling and searching for answers. Finally, I stumbled on "relationship anxiety."

While I definitely still had my doubts that maybe I was the exception and it wasn't just anxiety... (after all, my partner was FAR from perfect and our relationship had SO many kinks to work out...)

I kept. Looking. Inward.

At first it was terrifying. What if I realized I had to leave my partner?

But the deeper I looked, the more I realized that this had just been my fear talking all along.

What I discovered to be the real issues were:

- lack of trusting myself or my choices
- general anxiety and overthinking
- perfectionism and "all or nothing" thinking
- a highly sensitive, empathic nature that only magnified everything I was thinking & feeling
- past relationships wounds & traumas that I thought I'd already healed (but were still running the show)
- and even more things that really, truly, were about MY relationship with ME.

It wasn't until I found the right combination of simple tools that work + awareness of my own unconscious patterns that I was able to break free and overcome anxiety.

But once I did, I was free.

❤️Free to say yes, enjoy our marriage, become a mom and plan our future.

❤️Free to hang out with other couples without constantly comparing our relationship.

❤️Free to wake up grateful, go to bed peaceful, and watch our love, connection, intimacy and communication flourish.

It's this freedom and "holy sh*t I just had a breakthrough" relief that I want to share with you.

This is why I created the 30 Day Intensive.

The 30 Day Intensive gives you unlimited, private 1:1 access to me by either Telegram, Voxer or email. (Telegram and Voxer are free “walkie talkie” apps that are perfect for this container.)
It’s like having me on speed dial in your back pocket for massive shifts and breakthroughs, on your time!

That’s 30 powerful days of personalized coaching, support, answers and guidance. Just imagine what you could accomplish with THAT level of support.

💫Pick your favorite platform (Telegram, Voxer OR email support) and get guaranteed responses directly from me within 24-48 hours on weekdays, and usually closer to 24 hours or less.

💫It normally includes 30 days of access to the entire Unstoppable Love Course with all my most powerful videos and tools, but for a limited time I’m throwing in LIFETIME access to the full Unstoppable Love Course, for no additional charge. This way you can go at your own pace and keep revisiting the course for inspiration and breakthroughs even after the 30 days together. ($500 value. THIS ALONE is worth the entire cost of the program.)

💫Plus it includes 30 days full access to the clients-only Facebook community where you get to connect with other members and get even deeper support from this safe, supportive tribe whenever you need it most. You’re not alone in this anymore!

✨All this for just $497 total, no other fees, just a one time payment and the whole 30 Day Intensive is yours. (Plus all the free bonuses above!)

I would love to help you create WAY more momentum, clarity, freedom and relief than you've ever had before!
Connect with me now to get started.

If you're serious about living your happiest life NOW and ending this Relationship Anxiety & ROCD for good, look no further.

Here's just a tiny taste of what's possible for you:

💜"Things are going so well. I'm so much calmer. Our relationship has been so strong lately. We've had more sex than ever before since you've been supporting me. We're just so happy and I feel my anxiety being night and day away from where I was prior to working together."

💜"I'm so thankful for everything you've taught me & for being so supportive throughout this. You're amazing!"

➡️DM me now to sign up before enrollment ends & these bonuses disappear.

This is your chance to get unlimited, lifetime access to my entire step-by-step system for overcoming RA / ROCD and nurturing a strong relationship that stands the test of time...

Plus "holy sh*t I just had a breakthrough" coaching in the palm of your hand with total privacy and convenience around your schedule.

There is simply nothing else like this out there.
Questions or would love to learn more?
https://m.me/samarastreet

xo Samara Lane

How I'm moving through it...

✨Letting my body move slower, at whatever pace feels good to me.

Even while doing time sensitive tasks, we can CHOOSE our physiology. How deeply and slowly are we breathing? Are we relaxing our shoulders? Being aware of our thoughts without buying into them? Are we choosing the posture that feels good in our body?

✨Lots of mini-breaks to eat, drink water, step outside and smell the air. Whatever feels aligned in this moment is ALWAYS enough.

So often we spend every minute of the day doing all the things our mind thinks we "SHOULD" do. I have to do this to pay my bills... I have to do this or someone will get mad... What I really WANT to do is walk around the block, or jump up and down, or jump into the lake, but that's too silly, so I'm going to go back to doing all the shoulds on my list...

If only this one time, I invite you to follow what feels FUN in this moment. NOT what "has" to be done! It'll surprise you how often the "shoulds" are more easily taken care of at another moment or in another way, when we listen to the moment to moment desires of our heart.

✨Letting it be easy.

Allowing however my body feels today to be enough. Not grasping for anything to be different. Instead noticing what would feel good and doing those things one by one. This alone shifts my vibration, energizes my body and restores my light.

No matter what day it is on your calendar or how you're feeling in this moment, you ALWAYS get to choose to follow what feels good, or listen to your mind.

Tune in.

Your body already knows.

What next aligned action would feel good right now?

xo Samara Lane

I have good days and challenging days.

Moments of pure bliss and moments of emotional overwhelm.

I just don't make it mean anything anymore.

My relationship isn't perfect.

Sometimes I fall into old behaviors of controlling or judging. Sometimes my partner struggles with his own "stuff" and isn't available to meet as many of my needs.

This used to take over my life, hijack my brain and leave me stressing for months on end.

Now I just acknowledge and accept that life and relationships are not a fairytale and we all have our ups and downs, and that means some emotional ups and downs too.

And that's okay!

My job isn't to have the perfect relationship, or be the perfect mother, or do what I think the world expects or requires of me.

My job is to be all of me.

Maybe my husband and I will be together forever, maybe we won't.

I know and trust myself enough to be completely at peace with whatever life brings our way.

Maybe my kid won't turn out the way I envisioned she "should" or she'll end up in therapy one day complaining about all the things I didn't do right.

I know and trust that she is already enough no matter what life choices she makes, and so am I.

So today I choose to embrace myself exactly as I am.

As one of my clients brilliantly shared this week, "I'm doing the very best I can, and that is enough."

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

You are doing the very best you can with what you have in this moment, and that is ALWAYS enough.

If you already knew that you're truly enough, that you can trust your own choices and that the negativity committee in your head doesn't mean anything...

What would you give yourself permission to do, make, say, think, feel or believe?

Start there. :)

xo Samara Lane

No relationship will save you.

There is no perfect partner waiting out there for you who will finally give you the peace, confidence and happiness that you desire.

Everything you want in a partner is actually already within you. It doesn't exist out there, it can only be found in here.

This was one of my biggest ah-ha's that freed me from relationship anxiety.

Relationships will never feel easy for you as long as you're constantly on the look out for something better or trying to fix or change the person you're with.

If you now chose to be 100% unavailable for fear and self-doubt, what next step would you take?

If your answer is that you'd FINALLY let go of all this bullshit relationship anxiety / OCD so that you can embrace your authentic, trusting self and let your choices be enough, no matter what society or your parents say...

That's right.

Now is the time to take the next step, join Unstoppable Love and experience the relief and joy you've been waiting for.

Just in their first weeks of joining, my clients have celebrated SO many wins:

🤩Already feeling so much better about themselves and their relationships within days or weeks of joining Unstoppable Love.

🤩Creating their own peace and relief inside themselves from simple shifts, even with the chaos of a work day.

🤩Connecting the dots and finally understanding where their relationship anxiety truly comes from. (Without ANY worst fears coming true!)

Yes my love, all of this is possible and more. This is just the beginning...

If these are the typical results across different clients from completely unique backgrounds after just a matter of days or weeks...

...IMAGINE what you could accomplish and how much freer you'll feel with 3 whole months of this incredible, customized support.

How Unstoppable Love works:

🔥 Discover why you have relationship anxiety and where it really stems from, so you can tackle the root issues instead of surface level symptoms.

🔥 Understand your unique anxiety cycle and the exact steps to break free, so you can start feeling relief both now and long term.

🔥 Uncover the myths and roadblocks that have been keeping you stuck, so you can finally free yourself with proven techniques that actually work.

🔥 Learn how to tap into unlimited peace, confidence and trust in yourself, your choices and your relationship.

🔥 This program covers everything from emotions, thoughts and beliefs, to healing old wounds with Inner Child Work, to improving communication and conflict with your partner. Our one-of-a-kind holistic approach leaves no stone left unturned, so you can enjoy lasting results.

🔥 Reconnect with your self-love, self-trust and tap into your innate wisdom for a happier relationship and life.

🔥Learn how to feel safe, secure and unstoppable no matter what life throws your way.

What you get:

⭐3 months of private coaching calls with me (every other week for 60 mins) to help you create the deepest transformation as quickly as possible.

⭐Calls are conveniently hosted on Zoom, so you'll get live coaching with me no matter where you live.

⭐Instant access to my proven step-by-step system with weekly videos and exercises. No stone is left unturned, so you and your relationship can thrive for years to come.

⭐Lifetime access to all the videos, exercises and materials. Go at your own pace and confidently tackle any new challenge that comes your way.

⭐3 months of unlimited, personalized support inside the members-only group (for all those “oh $#*!” moments.) I'll answer all your questions so you're never stuck.

⭐A safe, private community of people just like you so you never feel alone again.

⭐Easy payment plans are available to make this accessible to you.

⭐100% satisfaction, money back guarantee. Start seeing results risk-free!

Unstoppable Love is the live program that's proven to take you from crippling doubts to finding your own peace and happiness, so you can start planning your future and enjoying the partner you already have.

If you’re ready to break free from fear and reconnect with your power and freedom, no matter what your unique relationship concerns may be…

Then this is for you and now is the time.

You know you're freaking done with anxiety, so what are you waiting for?

DM me for details and next steps + answers to ANY questions you may have

xo Samara Lane

If you've been ruminating all day about your relationship, how to make it better so that you can finally feel happier or certain about it...

✨Know that you're not alone.✨

If you're using every opportunity to Google, research, watch the same videos on repeat, frantically scour Reddit and Facebook groups for answers...

Know that I've been there, too. I did ALL OF IT.

I also took courses, read books and worked with some of the best experts in the industry, but everything fell short.

After years of struggling with serious doubts & ROCD, I finally cracked the code on relationship anxiety.

Over time, I slowly but powerfully pieced together the holistic solution that I now teach my clients. (Keep reading for details.) Only through this system did I experience deep, lasting relief and a truly successful relationship.

💜Today, I’ve been happily married to that same amazing, (wildly imperfect!) man for over 7+ years.💜

Now, I wake up every morning feeling confident and excited for our marriage and grateful that I get to do this for the rest of my life. When we have a hard day (because all couples will face new challenges), we know how to use it to strengthen our bond and come away feeling closer than ever.

When I go to bed at night, I feel peace, calm, and total alignment with my choice to commit to him. I can finally say with total faith: he’s my person!

You can have all that, too.

I know this because I’ve seen the life-changing transformation in my clients’ relationships. They’ve shared with me the joy and relief they feel after aligning with their highest truth and discovering the answers that were always there just under the surface.

As a certified life coach & Relationship Anxiety/ROCD Expert who lived through it myself, I can show you how.

With the support of group coaching and my step-by-step system, my clients don’t have to struggle for years, wondering if they’re with the right person.

They typically start feeling relief fast + get lasting results so they can enjoy a happier relationship than they ever thought possible, even if they or their partner are far from perfect.

Get started here with coaching program options to break free from Relationship Anxiety/OCD

Let this be the one decision that you trust in life... the decision to let go of fear and be happy.

💜Here's what's ACTUALLY possible for your relationship:

“The results have been undeniable. We are a different couple now. We have learned how to fulfill each other’s needs better and listen and appreciate each other more deeply. And now I'm feeling so loved, genuinely happy, and at peace! I truly feel understood and cherished. I look forward to our future together and have fallen more deeply in love, all over again, and believe he is my happily ever after."

— Michelle L.

“The results have been amazing and actually life-changing. I am cutting the anxiety off before it even starts. I am able to be 100% present and go into my relationship in a new way. I can face my fears. I am now much stronger, more aware and free. I am so thankful. My life and my relationship will forever be changed in the best way."

— Kandysse C.

✨Would you love to break free from intrusive thoughts and find peace? Message me here to learn more about the Unstoppable Love program

xo Samara Lane

❌ 1) They believe their fearful, negative thoughts and take them at face value. When thoughts come up like "am I settling? Do I love my partner? Am I attracted to them? Is this really RA/ROCD?" they buy into the fears because they feel intense and "real" and spiral deeper into rumination.

❌ 2) They don't have a good strategy for stopping compulsions that feed the anxiety cycle. They keep Googling, ruminating, "checking" how they feel and seeking reassurance from others. This band-aid fix never lasts and they don't know there are proven ways to stop compulsions.

❌ 3) They avoid what triggers them instead of getting curious about the deeper inner work. They might even avoid getting help because they're afraid of realizing or being told they have to leave their partner. (When in truth this is not a solution or necessary.)

❌ 4) They don't know the difference between fear and fact, which is perpetuated by all the relationship myths we see daily. We grow up with Disney, Hollywood and social media portraying "picture perfect" relationships, and are taught to trust everyone else's opinions more than our own heart's desires and inner wisdom.

❌5) They aren't aware of their actual root issues and how to heal them. This could be anything from perfectionism, lack of self-trust and relationship myths, to trauma, high sensitivity and childhood wounding (even from a happy home.) Until we know what's keeping us stuck, there is almost ZERO chance of changing it!

I used to do ALL 5 of these without even realizing it.

If you're thinking "yep, hand raised..." then know that these are incredibly common pitfalls (you're normal) and this can absolutely change.

You can overcome whatever is holding you back and step into the happy, confident, peaceful version of yourself who trusts your choices and loves your relationship. (Yes, even YOUR relationship!)

If you'd love to learn how, let's connect!

xo Samara Lane

Just think about Hollywood love stories, Disney romance, and EVERYTHING our culture portrays about relationships, and it's no wonder we have so many misconceptions about love and marriage.

Even though we understand that Prince Charming doesn't exist, on some level we still believe the stories we've been taught. We're left constantly doubting our relationship and comparing it to others. We wonder, "is my relationship healthy? Is it normal? Is it right for me?" These recurring thoughts stem from Relationship Anxiety / Relationship OCD and keep us in a loop of fear.

It's time to stop wondering and starting busting those myths!

Here are the Top 7 Relationship Myths and how to bust through them, so you can have a beautiful, thriving relationship with the partner you already have:

1. Doubt means don’t. When I finally revealed my deepest engagement doubts, my well-meaning mom replied, “if it was the right person, you’d know.” This is a MYTH that so many people buy into. We forget that fear, doubts, and overanalyzing are simply things the brain does. Especially when it appears that there’s a lot at stake (ahem, marriage.) As Highly Sensitive People (HSP's), we also think and feel more deeply, so we tend to overanalyze any big life choices - and even small ones!

2. If something bothers me, it’s the wrong relationship. This misconception is prolific and it takes so many forms. For instance, “If I don’t feel attracted to them sometimes… If I don’t feel like I love them sometimes… If they do something that triggers me… If they do something I don't agree with... then they’re not the right partner.” This is actually a cognitive distortion, known as "Black & White Thinking," or "All Or Nothing Thinking." The truth is, you won’t always feel attracted to your partner. You won’t always feel "love" all the time. Your partner will piss you off and hurt you sometimes. They’ll do something that makes you wanna pull your hair out. That’s relationships, and frankly, that's people.

3. Your partner should meet ALL your needs, or check ALL your boxes. Not true! No one on the planet can check all your boxes. That’s called perfectionism and it doesn’t exist. And guess what? Your boxes will change. Your needs will change. You will evolve. Your partner will, too. There's no way for anyone to know what they'll need or want 10-20 years from now. And luckily, that's not even what marriage is about. Happily married couples don’t "check all the boxes." They work together as a team: they maintain an open dialogue, solve whatever they can solve together, and practice compassion for their differences.

4. Good relationships are easy. Happy couples never fight. Err! Wrong. Fighting happens even in happy marriages. Marriages are TONS of work. All relationships are, and your marriage is one of the biggest jobs of them all. You live together, you build an entire life together, for two unique individuals. That’s gonna require lots of work, communication, and navigating new, uncharted territory.

5. There’s 1 person or soulmate for everyone. Sorry, wrong again. There are 7 billion people and counting. Why would there only be 1 person you can be happy with? Again, this is a fairy tale Disney tried to sell us. Don’t buy it. There are at least thousands of potential partners we could build a happy life with. You’ve already picked one of them - so go "all in" with the partner you have. Practice 100% commitment, especially when it’s hard. You get to choose your partner, so practice choosing them like you mean it.

6. Your partner should complete you. Truth is, if you externalize your happiness, you’ll never be happy. This was SO me. I’d be having a bad day, or some relationship challenges would pop up, and my mind would go RIGHT to the escapist fantasy. “Maybe if I had a different partner I’d be happier. If my partner was more ___, this wouldn't be so bad.” But these thoughts aren’t based in reality, and I was only seeing the good parts of this imaginary relationship. Instead of projecting your unhappiness onto your relationship, look at the negative emotions you’re experiencing underneath. Lean into the discomfort. Stop running from your pain and frustration. That’s just an escape tactic. You will not be happier until you manifest your own happiness for yourself.

7. If it’s the right partner, your feelings will never change. Feelings come and go. Emotions come and go. There’s also something called limerence. This is the Infatuation Period or Honeymoon Phase that some couples experience at the beginning of a relationship. The "goo goo ga ga" days where your partner walks on water and everything they do seems perfect. It’s just hormones, and it never lasts. In fact, the passing of this phase is a sign that your relationship has matured. That's a good thing. If you keep chasing those feelings of limerence, you'll never stay in a relationship and you'll always end up disappointed.

Ready to break free from relationship doubts and feel at peace with your partner?

Learn more about the Unstoppable Love program here.

xo Samara Lane

“Hey, you know those insecurities and that perfectionism you’ve struggled with all your life? Well, now that you’re in a secure, loving relationship, that old programming doesn’t really ‘fit’ anymore, so it’s time to start healing it, please.”

What our shadows ACTUALLY say:

“I always wanted a partner who checked off every box on my 179 item list. This partner is missing 2. I’m settling.”

“My partner is acting so repulsively right now. I can’t stand them. I can’t believe I’m with this person. I’m so much better than that.”

“Omg it’s been 3 hours. They haven’t texted me back. Do they still love me? They don’t. They’re over it. I always knew this would happen. I’m going to dump them now before they have the chance to break my heart.”

This is called projection.

It’s arguably the #1 reason why we stay stuck in Relationship Anxiety / ROCD for months or years longer than we need to.

Has your mind ever tried one of these projections on you?

Hand raised!

I used to experience EVERY single version of these and so many others.

A few days ago one of my private clients said this so perfectly…

"The HARDEST lesson was the fact that my suffering doesn’t come from my relationship with my partner. It comes from my relationship with myself and I project it all over the place. My mind has had its greatest battle with this.”

Yes. Yes. YES.

If you’re still doubting, stay the course…

All the love, connection and peace of mind you desire are waiting for you.

It just takes unlearning the cycles of projection that we ALL do…

And returning to the wholeness and completeness that is you.

Learn more here about the Unstoppable Love program and find lasting relief from Relationship Anxiety or ROCD.

xo Samara Lane

PS - Even if your partner has flaws or your relationship has challenges, I promise you that they’re MUCH EASIER to resolve when we’ve done our own inner work!

PPS - Notice if your mind started shaming you as you started to read this post, or if it allowed you to laugh compassionately at yourself. Then give yourself an extra dose of compassion either way. There's no shame in recognizing our shadows. All human beings have them! And they're simply our natural response to childhood pain, wounding and trauma.

Avoid anything that scares us.

Avoid anything that seems uncertain or risky.

Avoid anything remotely uncomfortable.

Control our external environment.

Control our destiny by making the “right” choices.

Control how others act so that we can feel better inside ourselves.

Love and trust remind us that we’re already safe, secure, whole and complete.

You are:

Safe to stay instead of run.

Safe to take risks in your relationships and passions.

Safe to challenge your comfort zones.

Safe to lean back into the arms of faith and trust…

Remembering that deep down we already have everything we need within us to be happy and fulfilled now.

The more I practice this, the more miracles unfold all around me.

✨ I married my amazing partner. We're still happily together after 10 years of couplehood (despite many bumps along the way) and get to raise our beautiful daughter together.

✨ I found my passion and my life's work. I get to help others reconnect with their authentic selves so they can heal their fears, find peace and trust their choices.

✨ I truly love and trust myself. I know how to make decisions with confidence, flow through life with ease, AND still embrace my raw, messy human-ness without judgment.

Do you want to:

❤️ Feel calm, peaceful and present all day long, be in charge of your mindset and free from intrusive thoughts?

❤️ Be truly confident in yourself so that you can stop second guessing, trust your choices and make decisions with ease?

❤️ Genuinely love yourself, feel amazing in your mind, body & spirit and finally relax into the knowing that you're already enough?

❤️ Release negative stories and emotions so that you never have to berate yourself or feel riddled with guilt again?

Then Alignment Unleashed is the live program + community that your heart has been searching for.

Doors are only open for a few more days! 🎉

Alignment Unleashed is the program that gives you unlimited live support & coaching from me + lifetime access to my proven system to help you transform doubt and fear into clarity and unshakeable confidence.

Here’s what people are saying:

🔥 “I am feeling so much better! Hope has returned when I thought there was none.”

🔥 "The results have been amazing and actually life-changing. I am cutting the anxiety off before it even starts."

🔥 “I love this so much, thank you for this soothing and comforting advice. I’m so so glad I joined this group.”

🔥 "If you're serious about growth in your life, hire this woman yesterday."

You'll learn how to master my signature ALIGN Method that perfectly blends ancient wisdom & practical tools:

🕊 Release anxiety mentally, emotionally and physically so you can be present and relaxed through out your day.

💪🏽 Break free from intrusive thoughts, fears and limiting beliefs so that you can have WAY more time and energy for enjoying your relationships, work and passions.

🧘🏽‍♀️ Reconnect with your authentic self for true happiness and all the answers you seek (without being told that your worst fears are true.)

❤️ Heal any hidden wounds, patterns or inner child so you can finally feel free and in charge.

🚀 Take aligned actions so you can experience unlimited peace, joy and success now + watch as your deepest desires unfold around you.

Think of this as your one-stop, all-access pass for releasing all forms of anxiety, fear & doubt.

No matter what topic or theme your anxiety is fixated on (and even if it changes), Alignment Unleashed is for you:

- Anxiety (relationship, dating, health, body, work, business, money, etc.)

- OCD (any theme)

- Self-doubt or lack of self-trust

- Decision paralysis

- Low self-esteem/confidence

- Past wounds/inner child

I'll personally guide you, answer all your questions and help you transform into the happiest, freest version of yourself that you’ve ever known.

Join us in Alignment Unleashed now to receive:

- unlimited, LIVE, personalized Q&A coaching to help you powerfully move through any question or challenge with confidence and ease.

- lifetime course access so you can go at your own pace, pick and choose the topics you care about most & revisit this life changing work anytime.

- virtual "front row seats" to the proven tools & trainings that will set you free.

For a limited time:

+ You get all of this for just $367 (payment plans available!) before the price goes up to $999 in August.

+ Receive a FREE bonus of x5 monthly Hot Seat & Connection group coaching calls where you get to work with me face-to-face & get answers to all your biggest questions for massive clarity and breakthroughs.

+ Get a FREE bonus 30 minutes of private, 1-on-1 coaching with me by phone or Zoom to help fast-track your results and relief in a fraction of the time.

This program combines all of the best PROVEN tools, techniques and wisdom that have created REAL results in the lives of my clients for years and years. Plus brand new teachings that I’ve never released before!

Anxiety, doubt and second guessing don’t have to rule your life anymore.

Alignment Unleashed is the proven method + personalized guidance you need to catapult you toward true freedom and relief now.

Click here to see full program details, pricing + payment plans

The price TRIPLES on August 1st, so sign up now.

If you're an action taker who's serious about showing up and creating infinite happiness and peace in your life...

Then Alignment Unleashed is your next step.

I know this program can change your life and I'm so looking forward to working with you in this expanded way!

xo Samara Lane

Are you OVER this pattern of getting stuck in a rut and not truly living?

Are you ready for freedom NOW?

Inner peace NOW?

Self-trust NOW?

Then joining Alignment Unleashed now is a no-brainer.

How is Alignment Unleashed different from other programs?

🌈Alignment Unleashed is the live program that gives you UNLIMITED coaching + tools to transform anxiety, OCD, doubt & decision paralysis into peace of mind, confidence and lasting relief.

🌈You'll receive my entire step-by-step system along with live, personalized support and answers to all your questions so that you can finally experience the freedom from anxiety you've been looking for. Plus get incredible bonuses and savings when you sign up now.

⭐️This program has no end date. That means you pay once and the entire program, ongoing live coaching calls + any new trainings released in this space are locked in and yours forever.

⭐️If you're thinking "holy crap that's a good deal," you're right! Why am I offering all this? Honestly, it's because my heart says hell yes to it, and whenever I follow that divine inspiration, everyone wins.

❤️My other programs focus solely on relationship anxiety/ROCD and are still the best option if that's the ONLY thing you want help with.

Alignment Unleashed is different...

❤️Think of this as your one-stop, all-access pass for releasing all forms of anxiety, fear & doubt. No matter what topic or theme your anxiety is fixated on (and even if it changes), Alignment Unleashed is for you:

- Anxiety (relationship, dating, health, body, work, business, money, etc.)

- OCD (any theme)

- Self-doubt or lack of self-trust

- Decision paralysis

- Low self-esteem/confidence

- Past wounds/inner child

🔥Last but certainly not least, this is my MOST AFFORDABLE offer ever at just $367 total or x3 low monthly payments of $147 when you sign up now before enrollment ends. (In just a few days the price goes up to $999, so join now and save.)

🔥Most other live coaching programs start at $1500+ and only last a few months. Don't miss this incredible opportunity to save BIG and get lasting relief from anxiety + personalized guidance in a safe community of like-minded souls!

Act now and join Alignment Unleashed before the price TRIPLES on August 1st.

This LIVE, lifetime access program starts now and I know it’s going to change your life.

(See all the details & pricing here.)

Take it from them:

🔥“I am feeling so much better! Hope has returned when I thought there was none.”

🔥"The results have been amazing and actually life-changing. I am cutting the anxiety off before it even starts."

🔥“I love this so much, thank you for this soothing and comforting advice. I’m so so glad I joined this group.”

🔥"If you're serious about growth in your life, hire this woman yesterday."

How this works:

🕊Release anxiety mentally, emotionally and physically for holistic wellbeing

🧘🏽‍♀️Reconnect with your authentic self for true happiness and all the answers you seek (without being told that your worst fears are true)

💪🏽Break free from fears and limiting beliefs to become unstoppable

❤️Heal any hidden wounds or patterns so you can finally feel free

🚀Take aligned action so you can experience infinite peace, joy and success now watch as your deepest desires unfold around you.

Think of this as your one-stop, all-access pass for releasing all forms of anxiety, fear & doubt.

What you get:

⚡My proven step-by-step system called the ALIGN Method for breaking free from anxiety, OCD, doubt & decision paralysis so you can experience heaven on earth now, be your happiest self, discover all your own best answers, and manifest everything you desire in your relationships, work, business, health and life.

⚡Tons of new, specialized trainings will also be released based directly on what you and other members are asking for. This is unlike any other program out there as you get to help co-create this space and it keeps growing with you. (And don't worry about overwhelm - you get to pick and choose the trainings that speak to you.)

⚡Weekly live calls in our exclusive members-only group. I’ll help you navigate ANY questions, goals or blocks around whatever area of life feels most "up" for you, so you can find the answers, happiness and freedom you desire. Calls are recorded for all members, so you can watch the replay if you can't make it live, and/or return to them anytime!

⚡Exclusive access to our members-only Facebook group where you can ask questions, share ideas and get real live support from me and other members, so you're never stuck in your head or feeling alone in this again. This is a safe, private, engaged community where you can connect with incredible souls just like you. We're all here to lift each other up, support one another and answer each other’s questions. We're all serious about transformation here!

⚡LIFETIME access to ALL of this. Yep, that's right. You signup once and it's yours forever. (Including live weekly coaching for as long as this program exists, and I have NO plans of ever ending it!) All the recorded calls, trainings and tools - including any new ones that I release into this space - are yours forever! You can go at your own pace and revisit these powerful teachings anytime.

⚡LIMITED TIME BONUS: x5 monthly live Hot Seat & Connection coaching Zoom calls. If you'd love more face to face time to ask questions and do a deeper dive, these are for you. Get laser focused coaching directly from me, so you can feel relief and see results even faster.

⚡LIMITED TIME BONUS: 30 minutes of private 1-on-1 coaching with me by phone or Zoom to help fast-track your results and relief in a fraction of the time.

⚡This is a uniquely high-vibe space where you'll be surrounded by the ENERGY of people who truly believe in you, so that you can make transformative shifts and get powerful results. If you're an action taker who's committed to the process and serious about creating real change and happiness in your life, this is for you.

Sign up now to reserve your spot before this offer ends.

Anxiety, triggers and negative thoughts don’t have to rule your life anymore.

I'll personally guide you, answer all your questions and help you transform into the happiest, freest version of yourself that you’ve ever known.

Get all the details & payment plans + sign up now!

The price TRIPLES on August 1st, so sign up now before these massive savings and premium bonuses disappear.

If you're ready to take charge of your thoughts so you can feel peaceful and present no matter what...

Then Alignment Unleashed is the program + community you've been waiting for.

Still unsure? Ask yourself...

Have you already gone back and forth 10 times on whether to do this program?

That’s all the proof you need to know that Alignment Unleashed is EXACTLY what you're needing most and it’s seriously going to change your life.

You’re sooo done with overthinking and ready to trust your choices. Alignment Unleashed will help you do this and SO much more.

I know this program will change your life and I'm so looking forward to working with you in this expanded way!

xo Samara Lane

As a child I struggled with anxiety and fear since I can remember.

I remember doing all sorts of compulsions:

- Avoiding things that scared me.

- Seeking reassurance from my mom and others (especially because I was often riddled with guilt and shame over everyday things.)

- Ruminating over things without even realizing it.

- Constantly worrying about the future and what would happen.

- Regretting the past and what if I’d made a terrible mistake.

- Or worrying, what was everything thinking about me?

- Did they like me? Was I good enough?

This was the story of my life since I can remember.

As a teenager I fell into all sorts of self-destructive behaviors and it only got worse.

As a young adult I still drank everyday well into my 20’s trying to relieve the anxiety.

I had anxiety about the pressures of my job, my relationship anxiety / ROCD, fear of commitment, major social anxiety and always comparing myself to others.

It was exhausting and crippling!

Then one day, everything changed.

I was sitting in the living room at a friend of a friend's house in South Seattle.

She told me something I’ll never forget.

She told me that we're all intuitive, whether we realize it or not.

Not "intuitive" like a crystal ball... intuitive like connected to Divine, to something higher than our egoic mind.

We all have the power to align with our truest, highest selves and find our own best answers within us.

Not "answers" like certainty... answers like how to heal and empower ourselves, lean back into our trust, and live life + make decisions with ease.

And ever since that day, I've surrounded myself with coaches and teachers who believe the same thing.

I've learned the practices that have freed me and hundreds of others from anxiety, fear and self-doubt. (And even intense OCD tendencies.)

And I'm here to share them all with you while guiding you through this journey on your path toward confidence, clarity and inner peace.

❤️ Do you want to break free from anxiety, fear and stress so you can live from a space of calm, ease and flow no matter what?

❤️ Are you ready to move out of your head and back into your heart, so you can relax and enjoy the peace, presence and confidence of who you truly are?

❤️ Would you love to feel truly confident in yourself so that you can stop second guessing, trust your choices and make decisions with confidence?

❤️ Would you love to have WAY more time and energy for your passions and the things in life that matter to you most?

Then Alignment Unleashed is for you.

Doors are now OPEN for this week only!🎉

Alignment Unleashed is the program that gives you UNLIMITED live support from me + lifetime access to my proven system to help you transform doubt & anxiety into lasting relief & unshakeable confidence.

But don’t take it from me…

Here’s what clients are saying: